Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML
Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML
Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
no1askdu 5
thats how i say i love you
SlightlyGPirate 0
i didn't know men could breastfeed now! must be some genetic thing.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
agginym 0
why were you giving your daughter an open mouth kiss.
Cam275 0
YDI for Open-mouth french kissing your daughter and ******* her afterwards.
giganticbrain 0
Okay, this is where trolling crosses the line. Not funny. And when I'm saying it's not funny, it's really god dam unfunny.
leisl14 0
that's ******* disgusting.. the baby's a month old
furubafan74 18
Where in the nine hells did you come up with that?
LilaBear 2
YDI for putting your face near hers before burping her :P haha.
IceCreamMage 17
Yum yum?
allie2590 31
Babies do that. Get used to it. :P
gothymama 0
Be glad it wasn't formula. Breastmilk tastes way better.
BalenciagaBetch9 0
at least it was YOUR breast milk. am i right?
Moemoemoe_fml 0
Yuuum, man milk. XD lol
greent_fml 0
why congratulate the baby? everyone turns a month old :o
Moemoemoe_fml 0
Because when you have babies, kittens and other such new bundles of joy, you are all bouncy with glee and waiting another 11 months to celebrate one year is just too damn long, so celebrating the first month seems okay. Heck, you celebrate each week, at first. Then, as they grow old, you get less and less motivated, and by the time of the second kid, it's "Oh, you can walk now? whatever." XD
gargoyle666 5
Sadly not everyone does.
Aly3277 0
Sounds about right. My little boy has clean shirt issues. If the shirt is clean, it needs to be covered in vomit. At least, OP, you now have ammo for when she's older. :) Blackmail! Just remember the words "Remember how you vomitted in my mouth? Well, you owe me." :D Gotta love kids. Congrats on the little one. Mine turns 2 months next week.
hcaeb 0
oh ewwww. that actually made me gag. im drinking milk. thanks for that.