Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML
Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML
Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
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Top comments
no1askdu 5
thats how i say i love you
SlightlyGPirate 0
i didn't know men could breastfeed now! must be some genetic thing.
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Comments (106)
no1askdu 5
thats how i say i love you
PumpkinTarte 0
So why did you have to open your mouth so wide when kissing someone's cheek? YDI.
boredperson 0
never said it was alot of vomit in her mouth, but it would still be on her.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
#9 He was probably baby-talking to her, smiling etc, hence the partially open mouth... Either that, or he was screaming in horror as he saw flying vomit coming towards his face! *lol*
YANKSFAN4EVER 0
that's what babys do
AtoZnumbersand_ 1
I hope it was your own breast milk.
SlightlyGPirate 0
i didn't know men could breastfeed now! must be some genetic thing.
AtoZnumbersand_ 1
Either did I but I have a grandfather who's nipples leak white liquid. We're not sure if it's milk though.
gothymama 0
Der, obviously his wife/gf had just been feeding the baby, and he picked his daughter up an kissed her, and that's when she projectile vomited. It's not as though babies necessarily throw up immediately after feeding. I bet the baby probably didn't burp after the feeding and had a bubble in her tummy.
col535 0
never thought you'd taste it after childhodd huh? wrong, so horribly wrong...
authorkid 2
where does it say that OP is a guy? Maybe it WAS the mom
skyttlz 32
blue circle with arrow pointing up and to the side means male
jd_superjive 0
Haha thats so gross....
chloelovestoswim 6
when I first read this I thought it said " my daughter turned on a one month old so I gave her a congratulatory kiss" lmfao
FPsLife 5
Open-mouth kiss? o_o
meandonlyme 0
maybe he puckered a little too much
emilysanftwsom 0
YDI for having kids.
xoerica9 0
where the **** do you think you came from? the stork?
Vacant 7
I know I came from the stork.
bubblyblonde 0
lmfao!
Tigermom 0
Congratulations on your precious new daughter...and welcome to parenthood!
waterynuggets 0
Next time film it and send it to AFV
Ranoona 0
Lol thats interesting...
BeeSkwaird 0
This happened to me once too.
Pointy130 0
That's just odd, you can be expected to be pissed , shat, and vomited on, but that's wierd.