Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my little girl spoke her first word. It was ''Daddy." Daddy left before she was born and she has never met him before. FML
Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
Today, my toddler finally used the potty for the first time. I was so excited, I FaceTimed my mom to show her. My kid then proudly picked up the potty bowl and dumped it on my lap. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
underguarded 20
At least she's correct.
Hockey_fan 0
Shoulda been "Grab daddy a beer" ....he missed the opportunity
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (86)
ileina 5
Smart daughter.
livewire1701 8
She officially has the intelligence of a parrot.
YourEvilHero 12
now is when you tell your husband he's changing diapers until she learns how to day mommy.
monkeys1315 0
Haha at least you no when she goes now.
13FTW 9
Tennessee... Figures.
Streeet_hayley 6
??
scrapmetal58 9
Next she'll say "I poop, therefore I am. "
JuggaletteKlown 0
What does Tennessee have to do with her husband being a dick?
underguarded 20
At least she's correct.
enonymous 9
I was kind of hopping she would have been like that cartoon frog and put the top hat and cane on and start singing "Hello my baby"
Rabidkid 14
You sir, are a genius
EvilPotato 15
"hello my honey, hello my friends in style."
vettle 6
Love!
enonymous 9
Michigan J Frog reference
EvilPotato 15
74 no man I'm thinking Bugs Bunny & Tweety show bro.
enonymous 9
78 - yep Michigan J Frog is the character from looney toons.
KennyMcCrmick322 0
You sir, Are epic
Hockey_fan 0
Shoulda been "Grab daddy a beer" ....he missed the opportunity
crazychick1269 7
aha Win
applegrape 0
Nahh he he shoulda taught her to say, go make daddy a sandwich.
GRRSOM 7
@3: All that hopping must have gotten you tired.
enonymous 9
Thank you for catching part of the joke
NomOnShroomz 14
Grrsom, you know you can just comment on the comment, right?
centarous85 0
No grrsom is just that stupid!
mistersheezy 7
You should have taught her to tell him "clean me"
EvilPotato 15
That sounds kinda pervish.
NomOnShroomz 14
Dude, you're sick for thinking that way about a baby... and I'm pretty sure pervish is not a word.
Senior29 8
maybe he was tryina teach her "boob"?
centarous85 0
The guy who thinks the preggo woman was testing her breast milk for poison, who is from pakistan
Senior29 8
lol m i being stalked?
Sabraynay 10
On the plus side, at least you'll know it was her and not the dog.
FroggyFM 4
Her next word is gonna be pee.
live_2_eat 5
Lol, that's hillarious! Hey, think of it this way, at least she'll have an interesting story to tell when she's older.