Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my little girl spoke her first word. It was ''Daddy." Daddy left before she was born and she has never met him before. FML
Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
Today, my toddler finally used the potty for the first time. I was so excited, I FaceTimed my mom to show her. My kid then proudly picked up the potty bowl and dumped it on my lap. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML
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Top comments
underguarded 20
At least she's correct.
Hockey_fan 0
Shoulda been "Grab daddy a beer" ....he missed the opportunity
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Comments (86)
applesmama 9
@ #14 Thats kinda the way i was thinking...none of that lame mama dada stuff :)
indielove 13
It's always good to stand out from the average first words.
mgsoloist 14
Yeah mine was JC Penny.
GrammaticalNazi 2
Mine were: "From a philosophical viewpoint, Stephen King's The Stand is purely the age-old battle between good and evil."
skyttlz 32
Mine was kitty which is still kinda plain
llamalpaca382 13
Mine was "tweezers" xD
HomeAl0ne 20
I think "Quote" would be a good first word. Then your last word on your deathbed could be "Unquote".
2wenty0ne21 0
Hey man that's an entire sentence already. Id of said good job.
Sankuri 9
That's actually the best first word story I've ever heard.
zombiekitten87 12
She spoke two words? That's kind of amazing, even if one of them was 'poop'.
ImaginaryFoe 1
It really is. I'd be proud and amused if it were my kid. And if she was actually speaking the truth, I'd be doubly proud. What a little helper! Tell hubby to keep up the good work.
Egnar 19
Were you expecting your daughter to walk up to you with a monocle in her eye and have an in depth discussion of the finer points of politics with you? She's a baby speaking her first words. All she cares about is being close to her parents, eating, ******** and sleeping. I understand you probably wanted her to say "ma ma" but she'll get there eventually.
marialuna101 0
Haha! Sucks for u...
lmaoatall 6
He didn't teach her to say that. She just over heard him complaining one to many times, 'damn, I pooped myself again'. Thankgod he doesn't yell out, honey, come here and help me wipe my crap off my ass cheeks. Imagine her repeating that in public.
ShadowLuffer 0
At least she learned something!
wtfmylifedude 8
how cute. :3
Iknoweverything 29
I think it would have been obvious that they would have been something weird if the dad was practicing with her in secret? Although of all first words, those are probably the more relevant ones... you can change her before the smell spreads around the house!