Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my little girl spoke her first word. It was ''Daddy." Daddy left before she was born and she has never met him before. FML
Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
Today, my toddler finally used the potty for the first time. I was so excited, I FaceTimed my mom to show her. My kid then proudly picked up the potty bowl and dumped it on my lap. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML
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Top comments
underguarded 20
At least she's correct.
Hockey_fan 0
Shoulda been "Grab daddy a beer" ....he missed the opportunity
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Comments (86)
Ottokiller 3
ROFLMAO
llamalpaca382 13
You, sir, are fail.
physicist48 0
Is that really FML material?
NoYDI 4
How is this a FML?
nerual13 0
Aww I think that would be so cute!
erockinthesuburb 17
You spend the first couple years teaching your kids to talk, and then you spend the rest of their lives wishing they'd stfu. It's a slippery slope.
MegumiStarr 13
I think that's kind'a cute. :D
psuedodragon 23
I wouldn't really consider this an FML -I think it's a funny thing for the baby to say. So much more relavent to her life than "mama/dada". Besides, have *you* been practicing with her? Babies don't just randomly decide to start talking, you have to practice with them so they know which random sounds to repeat to make words... because really, at that age none of it has any meaning to them anyway. It's entirely a conditioned response until they get a little older and are able to make two-word sentences... Which, looks like your baby's a leg up on the world!
svanduym 1
40 - You absolutely do NOT have to practice with babies in order for them to talk, and in fact there's a great deal of evidence that most direct instruction, practice, correction, etc. provided to babies and children has little to no effect on their proficiency. All that's necessary is that they be exposed to language; it doesn't even need to be directed at them (though that is generally helpful). As a linguist, I have a REALLY hard time believing that a child's first utterance was a basically grammatical 2-word sentence, much less exactly what dad had been trying to get her to say; this flies in the face of extensive evidence and knowledge of how child language acquisition more or less universally works. Maybe the kid said "poop" (still unlikely given the general progression of sound acquisition) and mom optimistically/excitedly heard the "I."
TiNkErBeLl1713 0
that stinks a lot and every month you dont even get a break poor garbage cans haha
herpitydurteedur 0
Wrong fml
pillowman 0
Not an FML. Pure epicness.
IAMAFUCKINGPHYSC 0
Hello my baby hello my darling hello my ragtime gal.... And I'm only 15