Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML
Today, I accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
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Top comments
Codezlol 21
The joys of parenthood and cleaning poop!
s0m3guy2010 21
That's a pretty useful skill actually. Who needs laxatives when you can just clap your hands?
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Comments (92)
Codezlol 21
The joys of parenthood and cleaning poop!
xMysticKnightx 1
You scare the crap out of me. No pun intended.
subwaysurfers 13
Well either she was putting on a new diaper or removing the old one so is it safe to say the crap landed in the new/old diaper?
starman02 12
Lol! It happens! Great job lil man! It's always exciting when a baby starts to talk! Yay!
Zoh_Aubrey 8
Look at the bright side OP! You can tell this story at his wedding!
theten_fml 9
This FML got me by surprise.! I just shat myself.
jacquesromualdez 12
So cute i wanna chew his face!
wild_n_out 8
53- on bath salts?
zuzupetalsYO 11
1-sounds like a book title
vaughant 5
Awww haha at least he pooped lol that's cute & funny haha
Sandsh8rk 36
Sounds like you have a shitty situation on your hands. :D
starman02 12
Yes.. Cute & funny!.. Unless your the one cleaning it! :)
Tarah2112 3
20- Haha! That was so cheesy
B3Y0ND 3
38- And overused.
s0m3guy2010 21
That's a pretty useful skill actually. Who needs laxatives when you can just clap your hands?
munkyjunkie 7
I dont think you'd want to show off that skill a whole lot
icecreamdriveby 5
"Everybody give a round of applause!" oh shit..
Inheritance 10
"True story"
dreamweaver1227 11
This part got me to laughing so hard I couldn't breathe!
AwkwardHaole808 16
Not only has he said his first words, he has given you a funny story to tell everyone. 2 birds with one stone.
boating_guy 33
Sounds like a shi-- *stoned to death by the FML community* But hey, you were already changing his diaper, so it coulda been worse! And be happy his first word was "Momma"! Oh, and tell him about this when he's a teenager. It'll be funny to everyone...but him. He'll be embarresed.
Trisha_aus 15
I thought you were dead...
boating_guy 33
I have 9 lives. Well, 8 now...
hotPinklipstick 24
Aww, well at least he's finally learning to talk. :) Just think of this as an embarrassing story to tell his girlfriend(s) in about 15 years.
notsorandomguy 18
"Milf"? You mean, you want to **** yourself? I don't know if this is disturbing or what.... Well, that aside, that makes for an awesome embarassing childhood story.
dmblonde 13
Or she just knows how hot she is hah.
MURIKKA 11
If ten years down the line you notice that your son has a strange fear of clapping, you'll know why....
vaughant 5
Awwww poor baby that's funny haha hey now ya got a good story to tell at his wedding or whenever haha:)
sarahlove281 4
No need to comment twice...
vaughant 5
Sorry I was tryin to edit my other comment to say what I said in this comment but it didn't let me haha
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
What if she had two separate ideas and didn't think of the second one during the two minute editing period? Sorry, 14, I didn't see your comment! I feel like a clairvoyant now!
vaughant 5
15- yes thank you!& it's alright! haha
merrielp 13
Wedding story. Lol
Fmlsea 28
well that's a FML and a YDI , fml because that would suck to get shit on and YDI for making him shit in the first place lol.
sleet7 4
Read and understand the FML before posting your in-depth analysis. To avoid any confusion, no where in the post does it say the mother was shit on.
HaileyBeth16 1
And I don't think you can MAKE a baby shit... It just scared the hell out of him