Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML
Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML
Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML
Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML
Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML
Today, after making fun of my dad for years because he falls asleep in front of the TV every night by 9:30, I sat down “just for a minute” after work and woke up at 2 a.m. fully dressed, lights on, with Netflix asking if I was still watching, and a half-eaten wrap stuck to my chest. FML
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Top comments
GaryMuzz 4
how about you man up and wake up on your own?
Tuesdays76 0
Well GOOD MORNING! Why drink coffee when you can get smacked in the face with a Night Stand?
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Comments (169)
AnagenisisZagus 13
Well, you are certainly awake now. I bet your nightstand purposely drew you towards it's wonderful exterior for a morning kiss. If you weren't such a prick on a daily basis, perhaps it would not have to be so forceful. Lesson learned, OP?
cbrix1132 0
mornin sucka! hahaha
Iknoweverything 29
Your dad needs to wake you up for school? TWICE? Maybe you should stop being a lazy brat and get up on your own. Then again, I might need you to flip burgers for me some day, so if you want to do that, by all means, let your dad baby you.
michaeluver0910 0
I have to get up on my own and I'm in middle school! Suck it up and get up on ur own...
karlijn 4
that's why i have an alarm..
jess6blondie9 3
Not all people can afford alarms.
sam930 0
alarms cost like $5.
hiyourcute 0
Clearly the OP has an iPod/computer to get on FML, and you can set an alarm on either. Nice, 29
jess6blondie9 3
Uh, thanks KaySL? As for the other two, not all people have $5 dollars to pay for an alarm clock. Good point about them being on the Internet though... Ha.
gracieroxursox 3
Kay, I have to wake up at 6am to get to school on time, so stop whining.
michaeluver0910 0
I have to get up at 6:30am and I have an alarm clock. There r alarms out there for like $10 but mine was more cuz I have an iPod docking station. If u have an iPod you should get a docking station cuz it is soooooooooooo loud
jenaandtyler4eva 0
ok well just move on and get over it and next time put ur alarm clock on!!!!
zeta24 0
as soon as i wake up u get right out of bed to avoid tht issue. try it,op!
anonymous595 0
hahaha yea :-)
AntoshaChekhonte 6
Two words, OP: ALARM CLOCK They're smashing inventions! In fact, I usually set it about 25 minutes before I actually need to get up just so I can repeatedly hit the snooze button. Voila-- Daddy doesn't have to wake you up anymore and you can use the wonderful snooze feature that typically appears in them. And anyone who says they can't afford an alarm clock, stuff it. They might $10 at Walmart. Maybe less. Probably not more.
mackzilliron 0
thank you captain hindsite