Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML
Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML
Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML
Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML
Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML
Today, after making fun of my dad for years because he falls asleep in front of the TV every night by 9:30, I sat down “just for a minute” after work and woke up at 2 a.m. fully dressed, lights on, with Netflix asking if I was still watching, and a half-eaten wrap stuck to my chest. FML
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Top comments
GaryMuzz 4
how about you man up and wake up on your own?
Tuesdays76 0
Well GOOD MORNING! Why drink coffee when you can get smacked in the face with a Night Stand?
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Comments (169)
48Connor 10
Wow that kindof sucks
khaya 9
I keep a small child in a cage and it sings when the sun rises. Highly recommended.
OCDC 9
How do you get them to sing?! Mine just whines...
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
Maybe OP is 12 :O
AnagenisisZagus 13
Choir kids. Duuuhh. It's not rocket science, people!
max_wilder 9
haha a smashing story
franniedottp 8
wiiiiiin
khaya 9
I keep a small child in a cage and it sings when the sun rises, a highly recommended form of alarm.
mintcar 10
Where can I get one of these children?
mintcar 10
Where can I get one of these children?
EvilPotato 15
26 I saw what you did there
ydi_4_suking 20
these children are available anywhere...as long as noone sees you getting such a child
ThankMeLater 0
hahaha!
khaya 9
These children can be lured into the cage with the promise of candy.
Bravo11 14
Or a lost puppy.
khaya 9
Or both
impregnator 0
faceplant
ydi_4_suking 20
or they can have all the change in your pocket but they have to reach in and get it
IStoleTheCookies 16
^ Lol
chuckychan 8
WAIT I DONT GET IT
T3P33_fml 0
I tried but I never could resist, I always used them before morning...
poiuytjfffc 0
bet that got u up
GaryMuzz 4
how about you man up and wake up on your own?
Po1ntBlank 0
how about you grow up and mind your own business
Adamantoise 0
...mind your own business? On FML?
calley123 0
bahahahahah! exactly! made my evening. thanks :)
khaya 9
Your picture looks like you're being violated.
a_cassie 4
haha 96! & 106! :D
epyk_pryncess 8
someone break out the incest by little brother jokes...
grudgeholder 0
calley ur hot;)
T3P33_fml 0
hmm, #4's pic is strange... it's like opposite's day!
MushyLuvsU 0
School's are totally messed up. You have to go to school for 6 hours every day, they give you crazy ammounts of homework that you stay up late to finish and expect you to have a life, do things you actually LIKE to do ( like dance class) sleep for 9-10 hours (recommended time for teenagers) and get up at 5 am? It's sick.
AznsGoesRawr 0
That's not really sick. That's pretty much every students' life including exams, jobs, scholarship qualifications to meet, families to take care of, etc. It's not only Asians. And, usually majority of students don't have money or don't eat till they get home from school.
katie72 6
Yeah, us north american teens really have it rough
qbkilla55 0
YDI, learn to wake up lol. but i dont blame u. i do tha same thang
Banana_Pancakes6 0
Shoulda had a V8
notsocrazee 0
*clunk*
EvilPotato 15
lolcats
Jdgaf 3
You can't insult him and agree with him at the same time...
klonopin_ftw 0
yes you can. it's the Internet.
JoeMarie1996 13
that will wake ya up in the morning dx my mom throws water at me if I'm not awake when she comes in for the second time.. sucks..
falluke17 0
ydi for being from kansas
Mindtrap 0
127 win come on you know you guys have done it before too :P
mozeltov 7
that's a lie
fmlikecrazy 0
on the bright side: I'm sure that woke you up :P
rebekahah 7
well wake up, OP!
rebekahah 7
8- hmm... maybe I'll try that. ;)
Sirin_fml 47
...
pandabeargirl89 0
Something about this website makes people talk to themselves.
rebekahah 7
lol lemme explain! someone's comment earlier was #8, but it was moderated and removed. :) so I think FML bumped me down or something. I'm not sure. :S I just know I wasn't #8 earlier. :D
Sirin_fml 47
@20: You suck. Get a life and stop abusing ellipses.
rebekahah 7
37 haha. ;)
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
Hooray for crazy people!! (^_^)/
khaya 9
Hooray indeed, side note does anyone else see that biscuit floating next to superman.
rebekahah 7
103 yeah I see it. I wanna pick it up, but I think that's his lunch.
Tuesdays76 0
Well GOOD MORNING! Why drink coffee when you can get smacked in the face with a Night Stand?
EvilPotato 15
lol that would be a good commercial for a furniture store
IStoleTheCookies 16
LOL I agree. That is hilarious.
darkmis1 18
I can totally see that! Or on one of those stupid little infomercials that sell ridiculous things. "* in peppy voice* Why need all that caffeine when you can wake up with a night stand smack?! Just one hard blow and you're good to go!" *caution: may cause head trauma, bleeding, or death. In case of your death, you should contact emergency right away. No refunds.
EvilPotato 15
111 that's exactly what I thought except you for this *In peppy voice* not responsible for accidental death.
FMLsOhilarious 6
Lmao, that actually made me laugh. That was a good one :)
epyk_pryncess 8
but you need the mile long list of side effects like any other commercial. ya know, the ones which make you realize you'd rather deal with your runny nose than anal seepage...
EvilPotato 15
130 we both forgot that thank you for enlightening me
_streets_ 19
Sucks for you, but hey I bet you're awake now, right?
underpaid011 0
bet that woke you up!
GOMSxINCOGNITO 0
very nice! u should do him now that would solve everything
ieatcats 0
thats a strange porno :o dad ***** son
xMyazXtr3me 0
puke
jess6blondie9 3
Smooth move!;).