Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML
Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh, apparently. FML
Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML
Today, I was woken up ungodly early by my dad, who didn't give me even 5 seconds to wake up before barking orders at me to clean the septic tank screen, because it was clogged, but he needed to go to work. Conveniently, he'd already had a shower and "didn't notice" the gurgling toilet until he was done. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML
Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, while trying to sleep after a night shift, workers came to hook up city sewage service, firing up drills and shouting. An hour later, my child woke me up to tattle on her sister. Just as I was drifting to sleep yet again, the smoke alarm battery started chirping. I give up. FML
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Top comments
2deployments1divorce 11
Remember that when he's old and lives with you.
crashtestdumplin 16
My mom was a firefighter and I think she disarmed the smoke detectors because they would always go off when she cooked. I often woke up with the smell of gas in the house because she forgot to turn off the stove. I’m sorry that happened to you but who knows maybe being able to escape a hostile environment will benefit you in the future.
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
At least you had a bucket ready to fight the fire -- you should get some points for that!
bl3ur0z3 17
In fairness, if the house were on fire at 6am while you had the flu, you'd be dead and that scares him.
2deployments1divorce 11
Remember that when he's old and lives with you.
crashtestdumplin 16
My mom was a firefighter and I think she disarmed the smoke detectors because they would always go off when she cooked. I often woke up with the smell of gas in the house because she forgot to turn off the stove. I’m sorry that happened to you but who knows maybe being able to escape a hostile environment will benefit you in the future.
fjvitt 14
Last laugh is on him after he gets the Covid from all the puke you traipsed around from the “flu”...