Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
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Top comments
mea_iloveskiing 26
I'm sure he loves you :)
thief1434 23
The question is, what condoms did he recommend?
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Comments (91)
khaoticpanda 28
He was being funny. Oh no!
Secret_Ninjaa 35
*sarcasm* well im sure that was nice to know.
fearthefire16 6
Never had a durex break... only Trojans
Falloutreaping 7
It's true ya know, those condoms suck bad
FlyingPie 17
Even if that's true, what kind of parent lets their child know that?
skyttlz 32
Crap, I don't remember what brand my partner used. Hope it was something good.
beaverteaser 16
your life depends on latex thin?
an3ph 20
Sorry. The important thing is that you're here now.
yuzuru_fml 12
The less you know , the happier you are .
romzfml 9
#2 you're genius. maybe he should post an fml to it right?