Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Don't wanna know
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Scarred for life
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Top comments
Wizardo 34
Maybe he was talking about ******?
JustJumped 22
He's just trying to make sure you don't get disappointed some day
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Comments (111)
Wizardo 34
Maybe he was talking about ******?
then000bster 16
At least there wasn't any bit of show and tell. I'm sure some kids have had worst sex talks. *patiebtly waits for more comments*
ty7in_topic 31
Patiently*
Wakachulak 22
Actually, my parents handled the sex talk perfectly. Though I guess there isn't a lot of ways to make the sentence "Don't ever have sex." awkward...
Zimmington 21
Maybe he was just repeating the same sex talk his father gave him.
NeatNit 33
to continue #16: worse*
ermagherdaturdis 26
I was lucky in that my mum is as socially awkward as me so the whole talk was, "You know how babies are made?" "Yup." "My work here is done."
arroberts 10
I've never really had the sex talk. School and internet is definitely sufficient enough.
AtomicDiamond87 15
Never had a sex talk either but kinda glad... No awkwardness for me.
kewpiesuicide 29
My mom made me watch the Lifetime show 15 and Pregnant and quizzed me about it
ohcheriecherie 20
Yeah, my mom emailed me asking if I had sex with guys I normally wouldn't while stoned. (I do not) She also gave me a box of condoms on homecoming night when I didn't even have a date.
PinkieKeen 20
"Don't ever have sex. Or you'll get pregnant. And die." My mom doesn't even have to explain it anymore.
JustJumped 22
He's just trying to make sure you don't get disappointed some day
doubleddun 9
Maybe trying to make himself feel better. Lets be honest, size does matter, doesn't matter how good you use it if you can't feel it.
zeuslovesyaoi 17
sweety if i can make myself ****** with one finger then an entire penis should be able to do the job correctly don't you think?
monnanon 14
if they were used in the same way then maybe you would have a point. it does matter a bit but girth not length and even then a penis doesnt need to be huge.
TheLittleBear 19
24 - good sex isn't just about the penis (and size of said penis) you know...
doubleddun 9
I wasn't saying size is everything but it is important. I'm also not saying someone needs to have the biggest penis in the world but it does effect the sex if you can barely feel it. I know that good sex isn't all about the penis but you can't deny it has an impact.
snugglesMcGee199 23
I think it's important to point out that even if there is a small penis involved, there are a lot of different components to what makes sex great. Intimacy, physical attraction, going out of your way to please your partner are just a few examples of this. Just because a guy has a bee sting for a peen, doesn't mean he can't provide sexual gratification in other ways. He can be very good at oral, or he might be very good with his hands. Great sex is about way more than just penis/****** penetration.
TheLittleBear 19
"Bee sting for a peen" just made me spit out my cup of tea.
Axipiter 24
I'll admit, I don't have the biggest dick in the world. But both my fiancée and I know how to work with what we have. And it works great. I don't know where this "big dick" thing came from, but it's time it's put to rest. The size of a man's penis has almost nothing to do with pleasing a woman.
doubleddun 9
66 I literally said in the above comment that I know the size of the penis isn't everything when it comes to good sex, but it makes an impact. 77 the only thing I said about big dicks is that I know you don't have to have the biggest dick. I was saying that if you can't feel it, it's not very good and that is defiantly not talking about an average sized penis and I was talking about abnormally small penises not average sized.
Furytalon 14
Maybe he's trying to say don't go for the biggest??
Kruiser 16
Exactly! He's trying to steer you away from those guys that are big dicks
goingsolo211 8
Maybe your dad is trying to defend his kind?
tiernang 21
maybe he didnt want you to judge the guys you hook up with?
jrod9327 17
Confused indeed. Maybe he prepared that for a potential son and never got around to preparing a daughterly one. Dad-daughter interactions arent always the most effective.
TheDrifter 24
While op's mental image may be disturbing, the advice is still valid, just a little kinkier because he's advising OP to "use" her boyfriend's stick to get the job done.
jrod9327 17
I understand. The comment was said in good nature. In seriousness, the proper way to say this would be that the father clearly didn't connect the topic to a daughter and should have catered it more to her.
Barriaultcory 16
Maybe he's trying to tell you he wishes you were a son? Lol
tfriend3 15
Maybe he doesn't want you to get discouraged if the stick isn't what you expect it to be? I'm just as confused as you OP.
pistachiopanda 19
Ah, penis references.
PterodactylMan 23
I hope the OP thought long and hard about this
TheLittleBear 19
And hopefully ended in an epiphany.
LilTiki559 13
Also likely that he just wamted her Have a Firm GRASP on it, as she should have a Good SIZEABLE ammount of knowledge on the situation At HAND, so that she Is not completely SCREWED in the CUMING HARD Trials of choosing wether or not to becum Sexualy Active And TAKE IT Easily when deciding..... ...penis.
jrod9327 17
Woah you are right. Maybe this is an awkward situation. Yolo