Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
Today, I’m walking around the streets with my stuff in a rolling suitcase. My mom saw fit to kick me out of the house because she found sextoys in my room. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, I found that my (well-meaning and very kind) Dad cleaned up under my bed after a little mold problem. The problem? He cleaned up a few empty THC gummy containers and saw my dildo. And I thought living at home at uni was a good idea… FML
Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML
Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML
Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML
Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Algebra fail! The problem is stated as an inequality. (Number of sex toys) > 1 x age Therefore, the OP must be 18 or younger.
ollie179 21
Well at least you weren't using them.
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Comments (326)
hellonyancat 6
Why do all 19 need cleaning at once? That seems a bit much. I think you probably deserve this for cleaning them in a place where people can just walk in.
OsirisFaction_fml 5
For real...why so many? I assume your in college. With a full class load how often would you even get to use those? Do your sex toys have their own suitcase?
ChineseCookie 0
That's not even awkward laugh it off you must have a shit relationship if u can't laugh that off my parents walked in on me watching **** hours before our holiday and it wasn't awkward if he respects you he will laugh it off make some dad jokes u know?---ChineseCookie
5t3ff1k4h 47
Comment didn't post. Just because it's not awkward for your family doesn't mean everyone else's experience is going to be the same. You should know some parents are more strict than others.
ChineseCookie 0
Lol seriously? I got grounded and my laptop taken off me I'm just saying like that was it maybe she could of gotten in trouble but she's 19 but regardless they don't need to make a song and dance bout it just forget and move on
docscientist 10
Why do you sign your post when it already states who authored it? It's like you're trying to make it sound like a quote for the ages.
desireev 18
You getting grounded and getting your precious laptop taken away is ALOT different than suffering humiliation of your dad walking in on your assortment of battery operated sex partners. I think that there's a time and a place for everything and she shoulda chose a different time. But your little scenario is very different than OP's.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Alot is not a word.
ChineseCookie 0
That's what I do
evig_fml 16
103 annoys me
monkeysinatree 6
Have you ever heard of such a thing called a full stop? Reading your post hurts my head
jobsman99 0
Maybe there were 19 men there with full erections and she was cleaning their sex toys. Now that would be awkward. The final bukkake before the Holiday break.
LMDH 3
Post pics of you using them :-)
FluidUK 2
i love you
soccerbabe92 0
That's awful! It could've been worse though. At least he didn't walk in on you using them. P.S. lock the door next time! : )
RedPillSucks 33
Using all of them at once!
Athga 0
19??? That seems like a lot.
jellyD 1
Girls just to have fun.... Did you play your Cindi Lauper tunes on the way home?
Naitsi 19
why need more then 1?
Metteris 0
Well, you actually have more than one hole... Anyway, sometimes you want different sizes or shapes, so there's plenty of reason to have more than one.
Logomog 14
there exist more than just one kind of sex toy, ya know..
SwtCherryPie 26
Theres so many different kinds its hard to pick just one and say that is the end all be all of ******. Maybe you want one that vibrates and one that doesnt... a small one and a bigger one... different material used to make them (glass, plastic, or the one that feels like flesh). Also its not like you can try them out before you use them. You buy one and dont like it so you buy another that you think youll like, you cant just return something like that. Although 19 seems pretty excessive but having 4-5 isnt unreasonable.