Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML
Today, I went on a first date and tried to make a good impression by ordering something I'd never eaten before. It was a whole fish. I spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out how to eat it without looking clueless. My date had ordered chicken nuggets. FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML
Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML
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Top comments
FerrariCake 2
You must be pretty hot if you can spontaneously turn a guy into an animal.
FerrariCake 2
Of course it is possible he just always makes animal noises and it has nothing to do with you. It's also possible he was really talking to his food when he said it was "scrumptious". You might be giving yourself way too much credit here.
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Comments (49)
missyedges1 5
lmfao. thatss wierddddd
lonewolf999 1
I agree, and it's also creepy.
fringle 0
And oh so awkward. ಠ_ಠ
too_much_fun 0
dont use proceeded ever again. k?
GrooveSponge 0
...At least he's into you?
godsrightnutsack 0
awkward
Russia_fml 0
you're not too bright, are you?
n_london 0
seriously, enough with the soviet russia shit. and if you're still going to use it anyway, at least do it right.
FerrariCake 2
You must be pretty hot if you can spontaneously turn a guy into an animal.
OmgItsAnaBeatriz 0
Haha! Epic comment!
plexico 4
A gay animal at that! What straight guy uses the word "scrumptious?"
f_alltheirlives 3
Doctor Finklestein from "A nightmare before christmas"!! He is totally straight and thinks the soup Sally made for him was scrumptious. So there!
Izabushel 65
Hahaha!
Incubuss 0
What a creep FYL. I'd have left after the first few times.
lakegirl 5
ditto on that!!
sunnyXsmile 0
OH.MY.GOD. I think I know who this is!! Aaaah it if is who I think it is CALL ME WOMAN! :D And LMAO at ferraricakes comment, even though I'm sure you didn't use eharmony. :p
sunnyXsmile 0
**i meant ferraricakes original comment about eharmony.
FerrariCake 2
Dammit... I'll put it back: "So the animal noises arent one of your 29 dimensions of compatibility? You should ask for your money back from eHarmony." Sorry for changing it.
kaittt17 0
Wow ur scrumptious ;) take it as a complimentttttt ! meOwwww :)
FerrariCake 2
Of course it is possible he just always makes animal noises and it has nothing to do with you. It's also possible he was really talking to his food when he said it was "scrumptious". You might be giving yourself way too much credit here.
jessxoxo28 5
LOL! he's ur soul mate :D