Today, my dad asked me if I'd started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later, he found my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
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Top comments
slayerdme 0
Why would you even smoke in the first place? Think you're cool huh?
trilingualotaku 0
ydi for 2 reasons. 1=bad hiding spot. 2=for lying. ... have a nice day :D
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Comments (273)
fiicere 5
1) You smoke in the first place. How about this: "Today, I got lung cancer, cause I smoked. FML" 2) You hide cigarettes UNDER YOUR BED 3) Can't stick to a simple denial? Total fail. YDI
RESTAREA 0
YDI for not capitalizing the first "I" in your post.
whoakryspyy 0
WTF? Who let out the grammar Nazis?
fortunecookie_fml 0
you're so stupid.
DieterDerBlau 0
Who let out the grammar nazis??? Probably someone who's tired of seeing everything that they (and the rest of the world SHOULD HAVE) learned in school being thrown away, excused as internet-speak... Misspellings, bad grammar, wrong word usage - you people disgust the hell out of me for not even TRYING to spell correctly and then bitching when someone corrects your ignorant crap. IGNORANCE IS BLISS - NOT.
Imawhalerider 0
I think this grammar nazi turned into a captain bitch, language has always been changed like this. Like the people of the Roman Empire who spoke Latin had two different classifications of language spoken. The 'uneducated' or 'common folk' spoke a simpler kind of latin that changed and molded very quickly. The other subdivision of latin is what the high-class educated people spoke. It almost never changed but the 'common speak' changed the educated language by either its revelence or popularity.
whoakryspyy 0
Which is completely understandable. No one likes to read anything like 'pUTTing cAPi0ls iiN randOM sP0Ts and miispelliing evvrry w0rd', but one little mistake like forgetting to capitalize on 'i' isn't going to make much of a difference, especially on a site like this. It's not like OP's writing a resume, court document, etc. Don't act like you've never written an essay in school and later found some mistakes. Nobody is perfect.
Poke_my_mon 0
Typing in all caps isn't proper grammar either, you hypocrite.
tany_fml 0
haha this made me laugh
fylfmlydi 0
While we're at it then #29, someONE who's tired of seeing everything that HE or SHE learned... not "they."
DieterDerBlau 0
Ouch, touche'
Lia_Mackenzie 4
#103, I concur. If you hadn't said it, I would've. OP - I'm not gonna pick on you for smoking, but...yeah, find a better hiding place. In-plain-sight type deals work the best. I hid a few things inside a beanbag chair when I was in high school.
jelzer 0
2 hours...... He obviously found them before he asked you, and just wanted to test your honesty retard. If it is actually so bad that your parents found out, then why the **** would you be so stupid about it? A ******* stash of cigs under the bed!!! YDI
heywood 0
Why do people pick up smoking? I seriously don't understand.
regalarius 0
So: A - You're a smoker B - You're a liar C - You suck at hiding the truth. YDI, dude. That's three strikes against you.
ryoga 0
Two words: condom, asshole. Best hiding method there is. That way, only your priests know you smoke. That is, if you go to confession.
batchplease 0
whoever hides the cigs under the bed is an idiot.
all_the_same 0
ydi. big time
lcsun69 0
How 'bout you don't smoke? That way you won't be a hypocrite when you try to lie your way out of getting in trouble. And if your dad is still finding your 'stash', you're too young to be smoking in the first place.
staystrongholdon 0
Being young doesn't stop anyone from smoking , So do you wanna try telling over half the teenage population , "Smokings bad, don't do it" ? Good luck , it just goes to show the saying, "Old enough to know better, young enough not to give a ****" has real meaning.
lcsun69 0
Okay, but would those same teens give a huge speech about why what they're doing is wrong?
MeandSunnyD 0
yea they would because it proves that they know it's wrong and bad for their health they just don't care
angorashi 0
What a retard. Your 'big speech' would have tipped him iff. Gotta play it cool. besides, under the bed?? Wow. Totally deserved that one.