Today, my dad asked me if I'd started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later, he found my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
slayerdme 0
Why would you even smoke in the first place? Think you're cool huh?
trilingualotaku 0
ydi for 2 reasons. 1=bad hiding spot. 2=for lying. ... have a nice day :D
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (273)
Teekayahr 0
See, that's because you're dumb.
xoxoCheer 0
Why would you give a speech about how you don't smoke if you really do? That makes no sense. Plus, it's pretty hard to hide smoking. It reeks. Even if you shower, the smell stays with you always.
girlygirl666 0
For the record, I don't smoke. I have no problem at all with people who do. It's completely their choice. I do have a problem with the total dickheads who have made totally ******* ignorant comments. That you went so far as to wish a horrible death to the people who smoke is downright pathetic. Hey assholes- I hate to break it to you- but you are all going to die. I only hope that anyone who wishes an awful death on another meets good old fashioned karma. May you all meet in hell( where I hear the second- hand smoke is really awful;))
curryndricegirll 0
I've got to say, that's probably the best comment I've read so far! The win is yours.
girlygirl666 0
@karasu You are 100% correct. Thank God there are some normal people who can make their point on here without being a judgemental asshole.
jaredjc51 0
I hope he makes you smoke the whole pack.
deprivedwriter 0
Lol yeah, that's something I would do...kind of like with underage drinking or finding them with a bag of weed. They might get the point if it's in excess amounts. As far as the whole smoker's rights and all that garbage, I've never had a problem with smokers, and I'm not sure on how it affects me personally. However if second-hand smoking does have effects on the lively-hood of people, then that's why you have all these bans going up in public places and such. While it is your right to smoke, it becomes a privilege when other people's rights are infringed upon. We all know what happens when people abuse privileges, they get taken away. By the way, I'm the person that doesn't care if you smoke by me or not, just asking not to blow it in my face. :-) and on OP YDI because you lied more so than anything else, and you use a line that I always use as a non-smoker "never have, never will" and I still have never smoked one puff from a cigarette. But also under your bed is a HORRIBLE hiding place, as everyone else has said.
curryndricegirll 0
#159, I think you've just settled the argument between the smokers and non-smokers.
SeventhFonons 0
ydi you voice destroyer
SeventhFonons 0
shit I forgot arrows aren't alloooowed Sorry, my comment was cut off, but anyways I meant to say that I was kidding but actually that wasn't very smart of you to lie AND choose a horrible hiding place like that :/ I'm sorry; your father must really be kind of disappointed in you now... Anyway, on the topic of secondhand smoke, I will say that I have a hard time tolerating it but I guess it's true we're all going to die anyway X|
girlygirl666 0
Awww **** it, disregard my other posts-trying to be reasonable to assholes isn't nearly as much fun as being an asshole back. So, on that note: @ xHaniffax and anyone else who said they want smokers to have a long and suffering death- I hope you die by choking on your own AIDS infested dick. And if you don't have your own- then I hope it's your dad's. HAHAHA That was fun. Have a nice day;))
runningismylife 0
wtf.... youre such a dumbass!! Why would you even start smoking in the first place!!! YOu deserve whatever punishment your dad gives you!!!!! :(
FoundManyLemons 0
"Today, someone caught me in a lie. FML"