Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML
Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML
Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML
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Top comments
yazmi_09 3
lol! why didn't you just put it in with your hand? or were you trying to floss?
Mirorbo 27
Don't. Put. The. Money. In. Your. Mouth!! This is twice this week I've had to say this! Club Etiquette 101 people! It's rude and unsanitary.
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Comments (132)
Mirorbo 27
Don't. Put. The. Money. In. Your. Mouth!! This is twice this week I've had to say this! Club Etiquette 101 people! It's rude and unsanitary.
rockhound 0
wow Mirorbo, no "darling"?
77taylah33 0
omg just about to say were Is the darling
dreamering 16
Retard? You’ve been outsmarted by a stripper.
Mylees 0
I love strippers,
wriptidez 0
dont go there theyhave stds and shes the retarded one
dejwilley 0
stripper is not synonymous with hooker or ****. some people do it to get through college ad it is a job that fits with their schedule and pays very well.
mnemonicdaze 0
I was going to say that. I have a friend who is a virgin and strips. It pays for school.
theian01 3
See Chris Rock for follow up.
resplendencerino_fml 3
better to have had numerous sexual partners with whom you enjoyed the sex, rather than get naked for hundreds of strange men every night who probably repulse you!
iloveanimeshow 6
they dont have STDS, money or self-respect you need money for college? you can easily go to a community college and work at mcdonalds.
sourgirl101 29
Tsk tsk. You don't know how to use your mouth yet. Btw money is dirtier than that stripper's G-string.
molil_4810 0
u r a retard.
FFML_314 12
You are a moron.
molil_4810 0
u r a retard.
FFML_314 12
Yup, you're still a moron. You're also rather annoying. You should die.
Asstastic4 0
u r a retard
philly1128 0
FFML_314. I HATE you you are the UGLIEST person I have ever seen
FFML_314 12
You have some issues. You stalker.
like_its_ya_bday 0
lmao. don't try and be "cool" for a hoe. she wants ur money. that's it. sorry
angelo8320 0
are you a dude #25 ?
like_its_ya_bday 0
no?...?
sourgirl101 29
27 are "you" looking for a dude? 25 is clearly a girl.
SmallTownCutie 0
are you a girl #27?
rockhound 0
32 & 54....lmao.
laceyanneman 7
You look like a douche
Phustercluck 11
Something about not biting the hand (or mouth) that feeds you...
like_its_ya_bday 0
I'm not sure of that works with this fml but yea I get u
Iskaria 0
0.o... Of course it works for this FML - the saying isn't literal it means don't be disrespectful or aggressive etc to the people/person who supplies your income and therefore the means of putting food on your table... in a strippers case the client would supply a large % of that... by being a jerk to a client she is biting the hand that feeds her... <.<
waldoo37 8
oh no not a mean stripper. OP your a dumbass this is not a FML
sourgirl101 29
This is a FML because the OP thinks his single dollar means something to the stripper. The real money's in the "no sex" Champagne room.