Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML
Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML
Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML
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Top comments
yazmi_09 3
lol! why didn't you just put it in with your hand? or were you trying to floss?
Mirorbo 27
Don't. Put. The. Money. In. Your. Mouth!! This is twice this week I've had to say this! Club Etiquette 101 people! It's rude and unsanitary.
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Comments (132)
varkey 7
are you an idiot? you tried to put it in there with your mouth? and why would your cousin and his fiancee go to a strip club................ so many things wrong with this
WJCool 0
stupid hoes
tookietookie123 5
You should've said "I'm not the dumbass high school drop out"
shona_fml 0
LMFAO!!! EX Exotic Dancer here!!! WE SAY THAT TO ALL YOU DUMBFUCKS WHO VANT "GET IT IN" RIGHT!!! LMFAO! I can't even count HOW many times I've said that while on stage or during a lapdance. LOL!!! for bachelor/birthday/divorce/military going away/poker/sports parties, or a guys gathering, turn up the HEAT for your next party with EXXXOTIC INDULGENCE GIRLS!!! my website coming soon www.exxxoticindulgence.com! view our ads at www.chicago.backpage.com, www.cityvibe.com, www.encounterslist.com, etc... or email is at [email protected]!!! the hottest and freshest bachelor party company in all of Chicagoland!!! parties and more!!! xxx
pandap_fml 0
wat een kneus
CoachLlama 5
Just curious about some other facts. When your cousin picked you up, did he have to go to some facility? What were you wearing at the time of the "entertainment". Was a hockey helmet included in your uniform? Was there drool running down your chin as you attempted to eat the young ladies tip money? I'm just wondering about her choice of labels. Why did she call you a "R" instead of saying maybe, "Kind citizen, please stop eating my folding money." Just sayin..
badphoneguy_fml 0
if u knew about strippers u wouldnt put ure mouth anywhere close to their underwear. if u knew anything about money u wouldnt put that in ure mouth either. lol
5t3ff1k4h 47
You're confusing strippers and prostitutes (for the most part... there are always exceptions to any rule). But, the money part is true...
babez11 0
seriously dude just give her the money and spank her ass in return for the lip she gave you
melisa_hope 9
LOL! Dumbass!
ravenxcorvinus 9
some stripprs can b soooo rude. lol