Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML
Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML
Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML
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Top comments
yazmi_09 3
lol! why didn't you just put it in with your hand? or were you trying to floss?
Mirorbo 27
Don't. Put. The. Money. In. Your. Mouth!! This is twice this week I've had to say this! Club Etiquette 101 people! It's rude and unsanitary.
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Comments (132)
mrahhhhh 21
Could have been worse, OP. Everybody who believes different, read the last sentence. The stripper could have told him that while they were attempting to have sex :/ .
JNaftel 0
that's when you say '**** you, on to the next one'
syedlink27 0
u will def be a 40 yr old virgin one day
syedlink27 0
btw Sourgirl: who's that douchebag in the pic with you? the old addage of: "birds of a feather flock together" comes to mind.. that guys such a loser.. buy him a better shirt.. better yet a makeover excuse me while I go throw up
mrahhhhh 21
Whoa! What did she ever do to you? Besides read her description of him in her profile. He seems like a pretty good person (unlike you).
FFML_314 12
What's with this ridiculously idiotic comment? Are you seriously this big of a moron, 37?
deformedsurf 0
37 sounds like a jealous ex who screwed up and now lives with his mother watching Wedding Crashers everyday for inspiration.
deformedsurf 0
37 sounds like a jealous ex. I'll bet he lives at home with his mother watching Wedding Crashers everyday for inspiration.
mattNL 0
you must have looked like a retard.. why put it in with your mouth? ydi
wtfsnickers 1
how is that fml you went to see naked women and u were called a retard. I guess it is true u must be a retard to post that story.
underpaid011 0
I'll give you a tip. never, under any circumstances, get your mouth near any part of any stripper.
brokenclockwork 0
ew. you actually put the bill in your mouth? disgusting.
maskedman 9
One of my pet peeves is a snooty stripper. It's like I'm already paying for something that should free. The stripper could show a little respect while I'm sliding a dollar bill down her butt-crack.
TechnoTaco 0
YAY! :D