Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML
Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML
Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML
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Top comments
yazmi_09 3
lol! why didn't you just put it in with your hand? or were you trying to floss?
Mirorbo 27
Don't. Put. The. Money. In. Your. Mouth!! This is twice this week I've had to say this! Club Etiquette 101 people! It's rude and unsanitary.
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Comments (132)
Wersome 13
I'm just wondering the gender of you male cousins fiancee, and their sexuality? Something seems off about this FML
xGet_Over_It 0
The gender of the fiancee? Well, if it's spelled with 2 e's at the end, then it's a girl. As for their sexuality, who cares? If shes bi, OP's cousin might get lucky someday.
resplendencerino_fml 3
being bi has nothing to do with wanting sex with 2 people at a time. please educate yourselves!
CallMeHush 1
No need to get fancy for the strippers, just hand it over.
elainelovesyou 7
YDI for trying to be all fancy. :/ You couldve just put it in there, and she wouldn't have called you a retard.
mickigirl92587 0
hahahaahahah!!! well ydi for not using ur hands!!! :P
monnanon 14
Well to be fair OP you are a retard. Why are you trying to be sexy towards her, you are probably the last in a long line of idiots who tried the same thing.
boomstick 0
You deserve it for going to a strip club. How pathetic can you get? I'm so glad I get to see **** and pussy for free.
dudeitsdanny 10
If your "pussy and ****" read this, you'd probably be joining OP soon.
kportal69 5
**** that you're a paying customer. she should respect. if she's dancing on you for money and treating you like that then push the hoe off and don't give her the money. then complain.
spatz447 3
Damn soulgirl101 0 out of 69, quit trying to make up fake ones up, unless your life is that ****** up.
omgYoUbasTards 0
win 55. :-D. this fml sets a great example for future ****-ups :-)
perdix 31
I'm glad that there is still a group of people that is not so politically correct that they use the long, awkward term "mentally challenged" or worse, "developmentally delayed" when "retard" says it all. You gotta love strippers for laying it bare. To what was she referring when she said, "in there," her vag?
MrDanimal 0
Exactly what I was thinking.