Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML
Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML
Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML
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Top comments
yazmi_09 3
lol! why didn't you just put it in with your hand? or were you trying to floss?
Mirorbo 27
Don't. Put. The. Money. In. Your. Mouth!! This is twice this week I've had to say this! Club Etiquette 101 people! It's rude and unsanitary.
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Comments (132)
SuperRichFish 6
lol and 1st
testosticor 4
Nasty. I hope you didn't catch raging mouth herpes or something from your face being that close to a stripper's bottom.
LoganBballin16 0
^^#1^^ lol and fail!!
smileanyway 0
Yuck. Money is the dirtiest thing in the world, it gets passed around from person to person and you put it in your mouth? Not the best idea. But I'm sorry to hear that strippers think your a retard...
JoshTheMaggot 8
You know what else gets passed around? Squaids, so stay aways from the stripper.
EffinAhole 0
Totally unrelated fact: A high percentage of money has traces of drug residue on it such as heroin, meth and cocaine. What a shitty stripper! These ***** are there to get money so you would think they wouldn't bite the hand that feeds them!
dudeitsdanny 10
*****? Little harsh? Think about what some of them must be going through to be willing to deal with pervs. Besides, I think I read somewhere that touching strippers and putting anything but your hands near them is against the law. Either way, no need to call someone a **** when you don't know their reasons for working there. Besides.. She likely makes more in an hour than a mcDonald's employee in a day.. OP trying to be sexy isn't gonna get her more money, and his $5 probably aren't worth having to deal with bad attempts at being sexy.
iluvcucumbers 0
#38 You're not making any sense... " touching strippers and putting anything but your hands near them is against the law." Putting you hands on someone and touching them is the same thing you know. And also, yes strippers are *****. It's not because they make more money than someone who works at McDonald's that they're saints. They have a choice working there or not, and they chose their life. Everybody needs money, everybody can have a tough life. Doesn't mean I'm gonna go and show off my ass and **** to some married perv with 5 kids and let people put one dollar bills in my thong.
5t3ff1k4h 47
That doesn't necessarily make her a ****.
iluvcucumbers 0
What IS your definition of a ****?
5t3ff1k4h 47
Something more along the lines of physically going out and having sex with either random people or just a lot of people in general. If that's what she's gotta do to make a living (at least until she can find a real job), then that's what needs to be done. It's better than living on the streets with nothing. Someone on an older FML made a good point about one of their friends. Their friend was a stripper, but she was a virgin. In my eyes, that doesn't make her a ****. Though, stripping for money is a slutty behaviour. I guess there's a fine line.
yazmi_09 3
lol! why didn't you just put it in with your hand? or were you trying to floss?
Shookitup 0
Were you trying to be sexy for her? Strippers don't care if you flirt or hit on them, they want what's in your wallet buddy.
KingDingALing 9
You should've said "Shut up, *****!"
allenrotstein 0
Don't let a stripper call you retard. That's way over the line. Teach her some good manners ;). haha
styphon 5
that stripper above is right!
theian01 3
Floss for healthy gums
Specterk50 0
I wonder what flavor that floss is...o.O
Das_Judenburg 0
I would put it in you
aFatFuck 0
Why kind of jackass tries to put a dollar in a strippers g string with his mouth?
jenzan 8
I think she goes through enough as it is, you should have just put it in her g-string. Oh well OP maybe you'll get a more cheerful one next time.
BadPinkKitty07 0
yes, poor little stripper, she's got it so rough. XD. rofl then maybe she can go find a real job.
emily00 0
so.. you didn't put it in there after that did you?
iSexxxy 0
lololol.
PrincessClairey 0
lolololol
iSexxxy 0
You're cute. ;o And so is your doggy. ^.^
DaleksAreEpic 0
lolololololololol.
umatiger 5
I love you all.
littlemissdqgirl 8
Takes one to know one.
hahaalolz 0
wtf, that was cool to say in grade 3
yuhimjesus 0
^ you would know. looks like you're in the 3rd grade.
Ashleexx 0
shuut up ! ://
laceyanneman 7
That doesn't even make sense...
denvan 0
Stripper with an attitude
bebacklater 0
you should have pulled a 100 bill and requested change :)
Shookitup 0
Ha she'll be popping quarters from her vag bag.
annanonomus 0
Pig
Brettttt 0
Walrus
OochenSnoochen 15
albino polar bear?
babyjaguar96 0
demented rhinosceros!!
Shookitup 0
Obama!
Icyyy 0
Majestic pony! :D
MsConfusedd 27
I love how majestic pony is the only one thumbed up!
Dynoblaze 1
I think the real fml here is that your cousin is marrying a chick with a strong potential for f/f/m action, and you're not.
wtfsnickers 1
maybe it is a mffm she wants