Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, just like at every gynecologist's appointment in the last 5 years, I had to yet again explain that no, I'm not a virgin at 27 because I'm waiting till marriage, I'm just a loser that no-one wants to sleep with. FML
Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML
Today, I realized that I'm at the age that whenever I mention a friend of the opposite gender, my family's first response is asking whether that friend is single. I've already accepted no one will want a pathetic freak like me, so their poking around what few friends I have makes it awkward. FML
Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML
Today, a girl was making fun of me for being a virgin and, "never seeing a nipple". I have three. FML
Today, I learned that every podcast bro is a fucking liar and a vile hypocrite. Men seem to like me, but the minute I tell them I’m a virgin and saving myself for marriage, suddenly they’re gone faster than a spooked horse. What happened to the low/no body count, huh boys?! FML
Today, I told my mom I was with my female friend last night, because I wasn't ready to tell her about my new boyfriend. I didn't realize he gave me a hickey and now my whole family thinks I'm a lesbian. They won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML
Today, after being out of the closet for over three years, I learned that some of my friends still don't believe me that I am really a lesbian. They still think I made the whole thing up because I can't get a man. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
lovelikewoe 0
well, it's obviously your fault because you constantly lied.
cheesenuggrt 5
YDI for lying. Also I'm a cocksucker.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (233)
lovelikewoe 0
well, it's obviously your fault because you constantly lied.
TipsfromSips 3
what's a swinger?
bravesfan112233 0
maybe tell them u lied to look cool, which it didn't
davex 0
bitch you totally fkin deserve that!!
NastyNinja31 0
liar liar pants on fire
FMLidiot 12
the boy who cried wo--err I mean ...pussy?
Thunderbender 2
Maybe no one wants to date you because you use the word "swinger" . . .
Drigr 9
I thought swinger referred to couples? isn't op just saying they're a ****? (and lying about it)
johnson94 5
thing of how many people Austin powers got!
xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11
Sew an "A" tag on all your clothes. and show off more!!!
YacL 15
Liar, liar, plants for hire.
rallets 23
you probably just have a weak heart
stillxsearching 3
i ... don't think you know what "swinger" means ...
dolphincheddar 10
I slept with 9500 women in my high school days I'm so cool guys! damn it's gonna be awkward when you find a **** that'd do you anyways and you have no idea what you are doing
juicedboi 7
Well fake it til' you make it. Your too far in to quit now el douche.
powderpuffjord13 0
Every you do wrong will come back and bite u in the butt! soooo ur fault
iEatGuppies 0
it's called karma.
Imgonnahaveabf 9
4= a swinger is someone who swings on a swingset trying to knock over girls, which is why girls don't talk to him anymore.
nesfen10 2
why you is lyin dawgggggeeyyy sliceee
viedemerde3007 0
123- We have the same bday!!
LiveRS 7
sure u know what swinger means..? YDI anyway for lying..
Roadkill007 9
@69, umm yes i'd like a couple sunflowers for my garden... I'm having a bit of a zombie infestation silly jokes aside so op, think you can maintain your status till you're forty? should go for a world record :P
Zeusthegoose 0
176- that's a reference to spongebob
ShamMyWOW 0
Bein yourself = Cool Guy, Making up lies about yourself and/or bragging= asshole. (depending on circumstances, by most of the time being an asshole is the case).
tjv3 10
wow 11,000 people think you are a douche
TheHoboWerewolf 0
I smell a compulsive liar amongst us...
nattybattyx3 4
haha! good one! :)
My_Name_Is_ 5
shouldn't have done that. some girls would love to date virgins...they find it..."cute"?
decidedlyvague 11
Austin Powers is a bad ass, and it's not like he bragged about banging them to his buddies. They just saw him with all the hotties
Humanspider 18
Only Emma Stone is allowed to do that and make it cool. Everyone else back off.
bobkim302 0
Keep waiting on the right person!
flockz 20
ya make three lefts and you will find the "right" person. this op deserves no sympathy. his penis will have to wait.
12em12 1
I'm guessing you mean a hooker.
Ch0sen 13
Hookers probably decline this joker
Neylin 7
Well, this.... I... have nothing to add. You deserve, so bad.
Tektite 14
Yeah.. Quit bragging and maybe you won't lose friends and possibly meet a girlfriend who doesn't have an STD. With your attitude, that's where it will get you.. Hookers and STD's. ;D
chatter46 8
Do you even know what a swinger is? Maybe you mean player?
KhrystallDaBest 15
2- nobody dates liars.
cheesenuggrt 5
YDI for lying. Also I'm a cocksucker.
UN1T3D 6
OP is a dumb ass. also, I laughed at your pic.
FernAdele 9
lmaooo love to picture also!
mattmalin11 0
All I am is limp limp limp no matter what what what...
Revalation 2
limp what? ;)
JesusFishTaco 5
I I I like like like to to to repeat repeat repeat stuff stuff stuff too too too.
Sessyann 1
He is singing it to "all I do is win win win no matter what"
danielreader22 4
61- He's refering to the song by DJ Khaled.
JesusFishTaco 5
I understood that guys.
mahomie97 7
you just ruined the song, it has no meaning to me now.thanks asshole(:
mahomie97 7
yeah I used to really love that song, then the freaking asshole had to comment and ruin it for me(;
mahomie97 7
yeah, but then sone asshole just had to ruin it by commenting gee thanks;)
Kayzee01 8
Well, that seems like a fair punishment. YDI.
bobkim302 0
Stop making up stories too.
FernAdele 9
YDI for lying.
getviolated 5
he can still feel like a ballet even though he lied. I don't see the problem with this at all I say shit like that all the time, truth or not
getviolated 5
baller*
Anai08 17
And what did you hope to accomplish by bragging? It sucks, but now you know honestly is the best policy.
WallyTheWombat 0
^^^ this What are you 12? Who brags about having sex? Douchebags and lying virgins. Guess which one you are? Oh, and don't worry, it's ok to pick both :)
WCARlover 35
I don't respect man hoes anyway..ydi
SleepOnStones 5
I agree. And WCAR rules! :D
tedirvine 2
why bc you can't get any and are jealous? but i still agree with you, he deserves it.
WCARlover 35
78, that was a pretty dickish thing to say. no that's not why. a
WCARlover 35
and thanks 72, I know :)
a_nutritionist 10
its a pretty dickish thing to say you dont respect people for their choices that in no way affect you. your opinion of them can be whatever you like, but respect is an entirely different issue.
BAVFDFirefighter 0
WCAR is beast!!!
goshpeople 4
#102, respect is simply the esteem in which you hold a person or a person's beliefs and actions. It has nothing to do with whether these things affect you personally or not. Judging from the thumbs down on your comment, other people seem to be able to make this distinction.
a_nutritionist 10
yes, thats one definition of the word, however in this context definition 2 applies: "Have due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of - I respected his views" as for the thumbs down, i doubt very much went on in the minds of those individuals :)
screamo_neve 12
WCAR's Dave Stephens is my husband and just doesn't know it. Just saying.
coltclay 0
Cause ur probably an ugly b!tch that can't even get a guy
vballchck 0
if your still a virgin then what were you bragging about? txting a girl or something?
vballcutie08 6
I'm pretty sure he was making stuff up to his friends..and now everyone believes it
IAm1AwesomeChick 7
13, I'm pretty sure he was lying and bragging to all of his friends by telling them he was having sex.
snafu63 0
he was probably bragging about all his sexual conquests that he doesn't have.