Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, just like at every gynecologist's appointment in the last 5 years, I had to yet again explain that no, I'm not a virgin at 27 because I'm waiting till marriage, I'm just a loser that no-one wants to sleep with. FML
Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML
Today, I realized that I'm at the age that whenever I mention a friend of the opposite gender, my family's first response is asking whether that friend is single. I've already accepted no one will want a pathetic freak like me, so their poking around what few friends I have makes it awkward. FML
Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML
Today, a girl was making fun of me for being a virgin and, "never seeing a nipple". I have three. FML
Today, I learned that every podcast bro is a fucking liar and a vile hypocrite. Men seem to like me, but the minute I tell them I’m a virgin and saving myself for marriage, suddenly they’re gone faster than a spooked horse. What happened to the low/no body count, huh boys?! FML
Today, I told my mom I was with my female friend last night, because I wasn't ready to tell her about my new boyfriend. I didn't realize he gave me a hickey and now my whole family thinks I'm a lesbian. They won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML
Today, after being out of the closet for over three years, I learned that some of my friends still don't believe me that I am really a lesbian. They still think I made the whole thing up because I can't get a man. FML
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Top comments
lovelikewoe 0
well, it's obviously your fault because you constantly lied.
cheesenuggrt 5
YDI for lying. Also I'm a cocksucker.
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Comments (233)
zembof 3
that only goes to show u lying never does anything but **** shit up
786voodoo 6
lol... Sorry, but you sound like my roommate. lol. He does the same. At night, he puts on **** in full volume, closes the door, and in the morning, he claims that he had a girl over for the night.
NinjaWithSwag 0
simple. in the future don't lie.
sorryforyou 0
karma is a BITCH and ydi for lying
TheNewGuy03 29
op, you are a bona fide hardcore dumbass of the highest order. congratulations, you're on your way to becoming the world's oldest virgin.
WalterKovacs 1
No girl deserves a lying asshole such as you. I do hope you die alone.
slickrasta 1
Your a ******.
KK3137 31
Watch Easy A... Not really the same, but either way it's a good movie ;)
PeachyJinx 7
Stop bxtchin there's a lot of people out there that wishes they were still one lol. Consider yourself lucky :D
MEM0817 18
The boy who cried wolf. You num-nut.