Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML
Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML
Today, after thinking only dogs needed chew-toys, I learned my lesson after my kittens ate my menstrual cup. FML
Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML
Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML
Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I went into my parents' room after spending pretty much all weekend in my their bed while they were out of town. I happened to look out the window, and on the windowsill was a puddle of cat vomit with a condom in it. FML
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Top comments
TheRealBruce 12
Well at least the pussy Is using it oh I'm sorry I'm nasty
OhDarrenCriss 6
You might want to try to hide them better!
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Comments (133)
mrcorncan99 0
Haha your "*******" need condoms more than your pussy does.
diva_lulu 0
fyl ......
ArielTheMermaid 17
Whoaaaa you haven't gotten laid in two months. Shut up. Your life isn't over just cuz you can't have sex.
Tristan_aust 11
Where do you leave condoms, on the kitchen bench? Maybe try putting them in a draw, that way your cats won't get to them. Also it'll save yourself the embarrassment of visitors/family members coming around and asking you about your sex life.
phoebe333 2
That not embarrassing. :)
phoebe333 2
Where do you leave the, out in the open? You're cats might want kids to play with.
HomeAl0ne 20
This is exactly why a pussy with teeth is such a bad idea.
cooxoxo 9
You need a better hiding spot :) and get rid of the cats! that's not manly!
RedPillSucks 33
I certainly hope no. OP is a woman.
cooxoxo 9
Ohhhhh then nvm......whoops :p
jscrim 0
Maybe it's cause you have more than one cat
Gil2112 0
Desperation.... Lolz