Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML
Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML
Today, after thinking only dogs needed chew-toys, I learned my lesson after my kittens ate my menstrual cup. FML
Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML
Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML
Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I went into my parents' room after spending pretty much all weekend in my their bed while they were out of town. I happened to look out the window, and on the windowsill was a puddle of cat vomit with a condom in it. FML
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Top comments
TheRealBruce 12
Well at least the pussy Is using it oh I'm sorry I'm nasty
OhDarrenCriss 6
You might want to try to hide them better!
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Comments (133)
8sq 13
At least they're having a good time.
LuhDemDinosaurz 6
At least they went to a worthy cause.
Sweej 1
These types of wording on FML's are getting boring...
Caitlin_atzeni_fml 0
then don't read them.
sheenie942 3
You're probly not getting any because you own cats!
g_willikers24 17
My thoughts exactly
CryMoreFMLs 15
That explains my problem then. Too bad I'll never get rid of them though. They cost less to keep happy and are generally more willing to listen to me then any girl I know.
MerrikBarbarian 9
hrmm... cats never stopped me getting any... and I have both live cats and cats skulls. :p *points to profile* long as your pussy is clean.... ;)
supimnyancat 9
Looks like your ******* are putting the condoms to use.
old09 11
wow......my cat just likes to use my bed as a bathroom...but yours want you to either have a child or chip out for the abortion.....oh and MEAOW I WANT CONDOMS NOMNOMNOM
SeasonedLemur 5
Most insane FML user ever?!
CryMoreFMLs 15
No, most high on angel dust. I claim most insane.
SmittyJA24 26
Consider getting rid of the cat(s), find a girl-friend... THEN go buy condoms.
TheRealBruce 12
Op is a girl.
eminemchick 19
26- lesbiann sex= babby? Is that how babby is formed?
LuHGiiiT 11
28 - The original poster is a girl..
Wheredidgrungego 12
Right there with ya OP :(
PartyRockinGirl 0
Lol
reddawn85 8
At least you noticed the holes BEFORE you used them