Today, my brother and I got food poisoning because of the shady chicken subs we ate last night. Our mom thinks we're faking it and sent us to school anyway. I'm coming to you live from a school toilet while missing a test. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up feeling ill. My mom sent me to school anyway, and grounded me for "lying" about being sick. As soon as I got to school, I began vomiting blood. FML
Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML
Today, my parents brought home lunch from a shady grocery store deli. They mused about how hard I am to feed because I turned it down; the last time I ate anything from there, it gave me botulism, and it tastes horrible anyway. They both got sick. Now I'm playing nurse to both. No apologies yet. FML
Today, I got food poisoning from a restaurant that I had chosen for our company party. Everyone who went blamed me for their predicament. I also had to run to the toilet every ten minutes while they were all mad at me. FML
Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML
Today, I’m at my hometown for the weekend and bought my entire family takeaway for lunch without knowing my mom had cooked. Later, after finding out, I promised to eat it for dinner. Guess who is having food poisoning but can’t shit. The cramps are killing me. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML
Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML
Today, I and several housemates have food poisoning. From what? Last night's Subway, which we only got to avoid eating the pork that was possibly bad as none of us wanted to be sick. FML
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Top comments
nataliewby 25
"Stay tuned as more updates are uncovered in this riveting story. And at seven tonight we tell you why you should never eat shady food. This is OP, channel five news."
cutycat136 28
I would call her and tell her again. It's one thing to try and fake it to get out of going to school, but if you have to call to tell her again even after she said you had to go to school then it's obviously not something you're faking.
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Comments (43)
taymichele16 15
If your mom won't believe you, go to the nurse and have them call...she'll have to believe you
EvilKaa 17
This is one of the better, more enjoyably written fmls in recent memory.
brocho 26
Why is this being down voted? I find it to be very accurate.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
That last part killed me.
totallynotemily 25
Go to the nurse?
Tomryan279 10
Would you like me to have some food delivered to you.
janderson416 16
Feel better! Maybe you should get your mom one of those subs?
Kukironosuke 16
The banner ad on my iPad while reading this FML was Tyson chicken
h00tzForOsi 20
Banner ads? You lucky bastard i always get the pop ups! FML
HoboMeth 36
Send a picture that'll teach a lesson
RedCronos 17
At least you have Fmls to keep you entertained.
FalloutScrolls 25
FML, we need audio comments so the OP can give us the play by play action. Make it so!