Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML
Today, I got food poisoning from a restaurant that I had chosen for our company party. Everyone who went blamed me for their predicament. I also had to run to the toilet every ten minutes while they were all mad at me. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML
Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, my hiccups got so intense that I threw up in the middle of class. FML
Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML
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Top comments
ahabsfan 17
You didn’t take my advice from before. Never trust a fart. Write this down people. I can’t stress enough how important this advice is. More free advice, don’t eat coloured snow.
RichardPencil 32
Staff burgers?
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Staff burgers?
ahabsfan 17
You didn’t take my advice from before. Never trust a fart. Write this down people. I can’t stress enough how important this advice is. More free advice, don’t eat coloured snow.
fiat850 19
I don't think she trusted that fart at all - with each of her four trips to the bathroom her shit would be getting less and less solid with more and more liquid and gas. As the indigestion from the food poisoning progressed, the pressure of holding it in became unbearable and lifting her butt up and blasting out whatever was in her colon was necessary. The first second or so where it was all gas would've felt great, and when she felt the diarrhea coming it might have felt unstoppable, or that the relief right now was worth the mess later, or as she clamped down the nausea hit and she decided that washing out her dirty drawers would've been better than vomiting. Hurling would've probably caused her to pass a massive Hershey squirt anyway when her muscles contracted to force the stomach contents up.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I'm wondering why you stayed in school anyway if you had food poisoning. Still, FYL indeed.
Hangryko 32
Why didn't you go home?