Passionate secret

Today, my boyfriend came to my room and we were kissing. He was being exceptionally aggressive and intense when my brother knocked outside my door, demanding I open it. He had to jump out while I was fumbling to fix my top and cover my marks with my hair. FML

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

How shocking!

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put his dog shock collar on me to wake me in lieu of my alarm. You know how those cartoon characters look when they're electrocuted? That's exactly how I woke up. FML

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML