Today, I texted my boyfriend, and he pretended he was a Burger King employee who found a lost phone, just so that he wouldn't have to talk to me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML
Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML
Today, my boyfriend refuses to talk to me because of a misread text. FML
Today, I pretended to not be able to go out with a friend so I could hang with my boyfriend at the movies. When I sat down I received a text that said, "Turn around." It was her. FML
Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML
Today, I was so desperate for someone to talk to I called various restaurants pretending to be interested in ordering food, just so I could have a conversation. I called eleven different places. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML
Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML
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Top comments
hotPinklipstick 24
I think it's time to rethink your relationship.
French_Toast_fml 3
He sounds like a whopper of a jerk.
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Comments (142)
supimnyancat 9
Well I hope you at least tried to get a free burger out of him.
markrs 0
You're both doing something wrong or it just wasn't meant to be
Roevera 14
Now.. wait for the awkward conversation you'll have with your boyfriend when you find out that he really did lose his phone at Burger king..
Valdrek 26
Haha, now that would make this FML complete
KeyboardWarrior 10
Begone peasant. The king is busy.
godlike1 5
Cancel his phone contract for it bring "lost"
yetanotherginger 19
I don't think you understand how privity of contract works...
goldfishgod 20
35 - Your profile's still private. :'[
hotPinklipstick 24
I think it's time to rethink your relationship.
bigfatgoose 4
I bet OP is a Big Mac. That was a fat joke for all of you who want to thumbs down me.
hotPinklipstick 24
23- I hate people like you who comment on someone else's comment and say something that literally has nothing to do with what the other person said. Go start your own thread.
Toddle 7
Pickles are green.
stephanieeDawnx 0
Also, 23; Big Macs are McDonald's. Whoppers are Burger King.
desireev 18
Sounds like he re-thought the relationship for her...
Crimsos 4
He sounds like a catch!
lebronesque73091 12
You don't suck.
zachherbert 10
The sky is blue...
Preethik 17
Was that sarcasm?
Just_STFU_Please 13
I hope he sang you the Burger King song
Platfoot 0
oh my god, is there a burger king song?!
Calyx_fml 22
Kinda hard to sing on text messaging.
ohmandapants 17
I work at Burger King making flame-broiled Whoppers, I wear paper hats. Would you like an apple pie with that? Would you like an apple pie with that? Ding fries are done, ding fries are done, ding fries are done, ding fries are done! Not that hard.
LiveLaughFML 10
I need a double cheese burger and hold the lettuce. Don't be frontin', son, no seeds on the bun We be up in this drive through order for two I gots a cravin' for a numba 9 like mah shoe! We need some chicken up in here In this dizzle For rizzle, my nizzle Extra salt on the frizzle Docta pepper my brotha, Another for ya motha! Double double super size and don't forget the fries. CRISPY.
teague95 16
^ I love both of you
escapedfromexico 0
its not like my shoe its likewise too
SoSickWithIt 14
LiveLaughFML said the wrong song though. That was the big mac rap. This is clearly Burger King. But it's true, the "Big Mac Rap" is way better than that lame song that was posted above this person. :I
ohmandapants 17
^ uh k? At least mine is about Burger King. Jerk.
LiveLaughFML 10
does it really matter, lol? they're both talking about burgers.
SPAIDZ 0
97 the song posted by 38 was THE Burger King song. (sang by Peter griffin when he worked at Burger King in Family Guy)
PriestessPaula 3
And sung in a random flash video on the Internet ages before it was on Family Guy. Though saying that makes me feel like a hipster.
wlddog 14
Tell him you want some fries.
KiddNYC1O 22
BK fries! :drools:
Valdrek 26
Time to bin the jerk, life is too short to waste on liars.
French_Toast_fml 3
He sounds like a whopper of a jerk.
kimberlymariexx 4
I think it might be time to find a new boyfriend, OP.
Harry_Styles_fml 3
I love your picture!!
kimmi41509 10
Weird, my name is Kimberly Marie too and you were born exactly 2 months before me. O_o
elerbears 9
aww im sorry! :(
kooochris1995 14
It's okay.
loserman67 36
AWWWWWWWWW man, I thought this was the beginning of some sex-fantasy role play scenario..... "Hello, yes this is Burger King, I'd love to deliver my Whopper to you..." Oh well, drop the bum. Go for the Colonel Sanders instead, he's "finger lickin good"!