Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while having sex, my boyfriend admitted to having an affair. To comfort me, he said, "But you have bigger boobs, so you have nothing to worry about." FML
Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML
Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he’d love me if I were a worm. His answer involved chopping me in half and having a threesome. FML
Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML
Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for six months with my best friend of five years. After asking him what she had that I didn't, he responded with one word - "Boobies." FML
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML
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Top comments
B0NER 2
Must have good boobies
rayrayray23 1
Best solution: Go to Narnia.
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Comments (291)
blakenicolep96 0
Paha! Thats awesome.
sammyg524 0
That sound like something I would say to my girlfriend!
boardforlife 0
I did say this to my gf haha
ileenefudge 29
That's not a good thing. Telling her not to cheat on you is one thing, but threatening her with murder is just wrong
skullcandifiedDJ 5
you're dating a psycho. break up with him... but you might end up getting killed In the process
upyourzlolz 11
Taking the "I love boobies bracelets too seriously.
ItsTheKing 10
It was...well, creative.
DaniPandi 22
Creepy AF.
perdix 31
How long would the boobies keep fresh in the fridge? I get only 3-4 days after I open a carton of milk, and since boobies are milk bags, I'd figure they'd have a similar freshness interval. Comments?
Omega_Mus 7
Boobies don't come with an expiration date, however, he can make them stay indefinitely with a touch of formaldehyde (sp?). Not a traditional addition to milk.
benderbot19 0
I'd say this calla for experimentation!
mbrooks5110 0
Dont cheat on him, dump him instead. That's nuts even if he was "joking".
wallygolf 3
Do you Boobies take this murderer to be you're lawful wedded husband. Lol
ironhead_fml 20
Wow, you need to get the hell out of that game!