Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while having sex, my boyfriend admitted to having an affair. To comfort me, he said, "But you have bigger boobs, so you have nothing to worry about." FML
Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML
Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he’d love me if I were a worm. His answer involved chopping me in half and having a threesome. FML
Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML
Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for six months with my best friend of five years. After asking him what she had that I didn't, he responded with one word - "Boobies." FML
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML
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Top comments
B0NER 2
Must have good boobies
rayrayray23 1
Best solution: Go to Narnia.
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Comments (291)
lexiilost 0
Wow.... Scary much?
sleepindevil 15
Well turn it around, tell him that if he cheats, you'll chop him up and throw away his penis.
trgower13 0
Why so serious??
Keyman1212 14
What about dat ass?! The boobies are great and all, but gotta have dat ass too.
fanceh 10
He might be the rapist that, if you scream, he'll chop off your boobies and sew you eyes shut.
zurisbloodyrose 0
35- I love that movie.
grant1023 5
Love ur profile pic
Enslaved 38
Which movie is that? I think #35 is referring to a past FML. Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut? Jesus Christ, deny your maker *** Thanks #35. Your comment now has me singing Alice in Chains- "Man in the Box" (:
fanceh 10
Your welcome... I think?
Canucks8506 0
You're*
alexnumber14 2
Very scary. I told my gf that once an she said she would keep my penis. Lol
TalkinSmack 6
Dat? Really? Would it really be that much more difficult to write THAT, instead of dat?
MizzErikaHart 8
I notice that the boyfriends that are most crazy on here are in Singapore
supermankisses 1
178- dat was out of line. And Keyman- there's a zombie behind you.
Keyman1212 14
178- Not sure if trolling, or know nothing about the Internet.... "Dat ass" is a popular meme that involves a someone with sunglasses on, biting their lip, looking at a gorgeous bootay.
lildevil963 0
haha Like tht pic of the online gamer
japcracker08 3
lol my girlfriend totally said she would kill me but keep my penis as *****. long term relationships involve hearing and saying weird things occasionally
ALEXLASFLA 0
Was he serious?
Fruit_Dealer 9
Boobies = good pillow.
npnptracking 7
Big Ass= Tempurpedic pillow
thatssomeBS 9
25 & 33: Thank you two for my billion dollar business idea.
rexgar2000 10
I never thought of keeping the boobies, that's a good idea. what about the butt?
hawaiianfire 0
59 they already have booby bean bags :O. Comes in different colors.
valdancer99 0
At least he has his priorities straight!
fatme2012 7
Creepy a** mother f*****.
B0NER 2
Must have good boobies
zukinihudini 0
You shouldnt cheat on him anyways
nevergo 10
exactly. This isn't an FML unless she already cheated. In which case she deserves it =)
izawesome96 8
No, it's an FML because her boyfriend is an effin physcopath
rayrayray23 1
Best solution: Go to Narnia.
oreobunbun 3
And get a chestplate
Minecraftering 5
But that's the best solution for everything!
carbonbasedcynic 17
or...you know..dont cheat.
saIty 17
Match his threat with an even creepier one. Like I'll force you to listen to Rebecca Black, while I blow up every part of your body. Except your ****, because I'm going to eat it.
ItsTheKing 10
But why eat it. You can use it for a number of things like a coat hanger or even a center piece.
KRS_13 0
Or you could even make a necklace out of it and wear it as a fashion statement. Or even ********** with it? ..no because would be soft..wouldn't it?
Xr70r7 4
Or she could get another boyfriend instead of using a chopped off penis to **********? O.o
heyitsdiamond 5
Rebecca black isn't that bad she's improving
omgcookeys 15
82- she's using a sh*t load of auto tune; that's why she sounds better than she did in Friday.
Cheesecakee 11
Rebecca black is cool...if you're a 12 year old girl.
hamncheeseinit 6
Get it stuffed and hang it on your wall
max500 4
60- taxidermist? Did someone say Chuck Testa?
almostalbino 10
Or possibly a candle or dog toy?
heartlessj 8
I was the 69th thumbs down:) gitty gitty
iknowimawesome 13
I'm getting really bad mental images right about now.
chilearmy123 4
Umm rebecca black died....
animal50199 10
Wow. You know your a genius, right?
monkeywrench1 10
That is true love. ;)
cash_monkey72 9
Good man!
clcbjj31 0
A man with priorities.
JennyMarie17 3
Gotta love a man with a plan :)
superficialheart 11
Aw that's cute.. :/
hawaiianfire 0
Sounds like you're jealous
hahahahaha93 1
Hey! :)
superficialheart 11
No it doesnt?
cunnalingus365 0
I agree! He must love her lol
lovinit5683 0
You got nothing to worry about as long as you don't cheat!!! But that's creepy.
hawaiianfire 0
No she does, cause if she gets falsely accused :O