Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while having sex, my boyfriend admitted to having an affair. To comfort me, he said, "But you have bigger boobs, so you have nothing to worry about." FML
Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML
Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he’d love me if I were a worm. His answer involved chopping me in half and having a threesome. FML
Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML
Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for six months with my best friend of five years. After asking him what she had that I didn't, he responded with one word - "Boobies." FML
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML
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Top comments
B0NER 2
Must have good boobies
rayrayray23 1
Best solution: Go to Narnia.
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Comments (291)
MsCane 6
I would break up with his ass immediately!
hawaiianfire 0
Yes, before he gets your lucky charms!
sheethapins 13
Well... On the upside, he never mentioned what he'd do if you broke up with him.
yuckpuppie 0
Awwe how romantic
sakforduc 0
Fair warning...I guess lol
alanmacabre 2
What's the point of disposing the body if you keep evidence lying around? This guy is an idiot.
jweezy89 4
You're the idiot. The only identifying parts unique to an individual are in the head, hands, and feet.
NotDave 0
If you're the boyfriend of the deceased and you have a random pair of human breasts lying around, it's a pretty damn good indicator that you had some part in it.
HannahPaloozah 0
I think your missing the point ...
NPN_Scorpio 16
DNA ring a bell?
JenL_fml 7
Guess that means he won't be cheating either? Cause if he does, you have the right to do the same...(?)
Mourningstar 4
Time to leave dumbass
rayrayray23 1
Good advice. *sarcasm intended*
beaglegun2009 4
How sweet. (:
1JDub 6
Sounds like a reasonable result of cheating, and boobies are awesome!!!!
perdix 31
What? He's going to throw away a perfectly good, although slightly used, ******?!?!
jobsman99 0
He would probably not save it but enjoy it right away. Nothing as enjoyable as eating a lovely lady.
Omega_Mus 7
Fava beans?
benderbot19 0
Perdix. You gotta think about the ecosystem here. It'd be totally thrown off once detached from the body.
JennyMarie17 3
He obviously wasn't thinking things through when he said that.