Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML
Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to watch Harry Potter for the first time. I was bored out of my mind the entire time, and by about an hour in, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to punch Hermione for being a rude little know it all. FML
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Top comments
xZoeAmethystx 12
It's okay. Potterhead for life
drakem 7
Can't blame you, Harry Potter is awesome!
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Comments (103)
kunlunkid 3
OP, you should totally yell out "Quench me, Draco!" if/when you use the thing. ;)
andromeda335 9
As you should be!
varlso 8
OP is either too young for a vibrator or too old for Harry Potter
interesting33 37
you can never ever be too old for Harry Potter!
ksks1234 33
I am 31 and still love Harry Potter. My dad is 66, has an advanced degree, and liked the books. What is the "too old" age for Harry Potter #44?
RedPillSucks 33
(said like ...You may be a red-neck) When your wife complains about your Ravensclaw underware..., you may be too old for Harry Potter When you find yourself trying to change channels by yelling "Channelus Morpheus"..., you may be too old for Harry Potter When your headstone has quotes from the movie/books...., you may be too old for Harry Potter
How_you_doin 10
Instead of buying you a magic wand he should be using HIS magic wand to pleasure your brains out until your so satisfied you won't even remember who Henry Peters is!!!!!! ;)
isallwaysme 27
you're*
gaki_fml 8
I think the bigger issue is that your bf felt the need to get you a vibrator. O-o
wiccaantje 21
Because they are dating? Because he feels comfterable to explore in their relationship? Because he's into pleasuring his gf?
chosha_fml 27
Orgasmium leviosa!
middlenamefrank 8
A "replica" wand? You do realize that a replica is a copy of an original, and there's no original of fictitious devices, right?
dogpup4 23
Replica of the prop used in the films.
graceinsheepwear 34
Well if he buys you a genuine Hitachi Magic Wand, you might soon change your mind. They're pretty magical.
amykins11 6
They really are
cng903 1
Mine is my best friend. They are also super handy for achy backs and necks.
alycion 39
If my husband implied he was getting me another final fantasy replica weapon to go with my collection and got me something else, I would be disappointed too. Don't feel bad. We all have our hobbies.
davek 36
Username LOL.