Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML
Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to watch Harry Potter for the first time. I was bored out of my mind the entire time, and by about an hour in, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to punch Hermione for being a rude little know it all. FML
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Top comments
xZoeAmethystx 12
It's okay. Potterhead for life
drakem 7
Can't blame you, Harry Potter is awesome!
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Comments (103)
katties 27
I'm a big Harry Potter fan, but I don't think the Hitatshi will disappoint ;)
Fmlreadermostly 20
Lol I like you both!
worldclassrager 41
Spencer's gag gifts strike again...
skyeyez9 25
Your username is what makes this Fml funnier!
0_FYL_0 17
Harry Potter forever! Don't worry, OP, I bought a Harry Potter wand that cost £20, and all my friends made fun of me for it, but it was the best investment EVER, and proudly practice my spells every week! Seriously, be proud to be a Harry Potter fanatic, I sure am!
ShakeDisPlace 10
wingardrium leviosaaaaahhh!!!
Enzi_fml 21
Oh my god, your username. I'm dying.
PocketFox 10
You lost all my sympathy at "[b]eing a Harry Potter fanatic".
callie06 6
I'm surprised he didn't give you his "dick in a box." ;) step one, put your junk in the box.
Seeker304 12
I'm a bit disappointed as well =(