Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a Ziploc bag filled with hair. It was thd mustache I'd been begging him to shave for months. FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML
Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, and a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
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Top comments
skinthesnakes 6
Did you not "wand" it?
apache316 6
Screw the necklace, I'd take the wand.
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Comments (397)
bjr1208 3
Maybe it's a sign...
cruxx 0
Avada.. Kedavra!!
gregorrok1 0
Avadra Cadavra!
lovepotion75 4
I would have found it 'magical' receiving a wand.
nava1210 12
Hey 1, if your with stupid, does that mean your with op??
KelpForBrains 0
I wander where he got it.
Spritemazter 0
Stop trying to be so serious OP, he obviously has a sense of humor, you should be grateful he got you anything at all.
honne_tatemae 9
Yer a wizard OP!
shireeniee 8
My friend has Snape's wand and Harry's wand. So jealous of him! I'd pick that over jewelry anyway, but then again, I'm just 16.
enonymous 9
Wand ? I don't think so Not gonna get you a diamond ring That sort of gift don't mean anything Not gonna get you a fancy car Girl, ya gotta know you're my shining star Not gonna get you a house in the hills A girl like you needs somethin' real Wanna get you somethin' from the heart Somethin' special, girl... it's my dick in a box! It's my dick in a box, babe
changesinme 0
He's hoping he could abracada-takeoffher-bra
ambowew 7
If it was the Elder wand then you should be bloody grateful. He robbed Dumbledore's tomb, just for you.
mirag 0
Don't complain, now you're all ready for Hogwarts
claudio117 12
I use to be a Sorcerer but I took a arrow to the knee
Anubyte 0
I'm a huffelpuff!
monster_tamer 11
I'm right with you, shire. I have Snape's wand and a Slytherin scarf and house crest banner.
noobgang7 5
Are you sure it's a wand? Does it vibrate?
LordMaxington1 0
Maybe she just hates Harry potter
funeralgal 4
1. Cut a hole in the box 2. Put your junk in the box 3. Give her the box...... It's a dick in a box!
cosmosis 12
141- that trick works well with a bucket of popcorn at the movies;)
iluvhobos 5
134-Sempra*
herrobear 0
Maybe you shouldn't be greedy an materialistic and be happy that you have a boyfriend who, although kind of nerdy, isn't a doucher.
scrapmetal58 9
Hey being obsessed with Harry Potter doesn't have age limits! I have Lord Voldemort's wand along with Harry's, Ron's, and Hermione's. I want the Elder Wand so bad.
iluvcupkakes 0
Or mabey it was just a magical night. :D
needsagf14 12
Change your info. It'll definitely provoke an argument.
ArielTheMermaid 17
#1's pic made me LOL no joke
Jiplo 18
could be worse- like a twilight action figure or rebecca black music
joeytheman 10
You have been accepted to Hogwarts!
skinthesnakes 6
Did you not "wand" it?
TherealMort 0
You can wish for a new boyfriend with it
teague95 16
I wish that 2 would've never made that pun.
crackz12 10
Im pretty sure you dont use a wand to make wishes..
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
Tell that to Cosmo and Wanda!
SuperKnuckels 6
-8 , you dont wish with wands where the hell...
morgan320 0
"Wand"a That came as an unexpected pun to me..
123josie123 11
Well at least he got you something right?? Lol
LordMaxington1 0
Best comment iv ever read
ComTlancy 12
Geez, I wand-a why she didn't like it.
TheiMightyKhaL 2
I used to like wands, but then I took an arrow in the knee.
shannon1029 4
Tell Harry you don't want the wand.
proz 2
wtf
sammieg17 5
Use the wand to wish for a necklace!:D
RedMosquito 4
Or play with his wand and make a pearl necklace.
nattynatters 14
Haha! Eww.
screamo_neve 12
Or when he gets on your nerves, hit him with the wand! Or turn him into a turtle.
Potterhead1 3
3 - You don't use a wand to grant your wishes, you perform spells with it. OP could maybe use the wand to fashion a necklace out of thin air, but not wish for one. Stupid Muggle.
akg98 13
Hahaha YES potterhead 1 :)
akg98 13
!
TJ1991 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow WTF. Unless you're some hardcore Harry Potter fan I don't get it. Not exactly an extreme FYL but that's still a pretty terrible gift in my opinion.
Awahso 25
Can't tell if troll or serious.
rattusrattus 19
'Wand' can also refer to types of sex toy, I believe. Generally ones that go up the butt IIRC.
RawrNom 0
I would love a HP wand, more so than any necklace. yeah it's weird if you don't like it or it's a sex toy, but.. act happy and never use it?
Lanceeden 12
I HAVE THE ELDER WAND I GOT IT FROM OLLIVANDER HIMSELF
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Was it a Hitachi Magic Wand?
LandeisJ 11
Ollivander never had the elder wand, dumbass.
Lanceeden 12
128 - you're just mad you're a squib.
iliketwertles 2
Who says it was a gift?
ohmandapants 17
I got a wand for my birthday. Best. Gift. Ever.
HogwartsDropout7 0
AVADA Kedavra.
Lanceeden 12
And btw 128 I mean I got it from the wizarding world in Orlando.
akg98 13
Oooo can i borrow it ;)
bryannab1 0
I agree with 4, Not everyone is a Harry Potter fan.
tburke1 7
I think you mean Muggle..
shadowsun28 0
Dude if the box was the size a necklace would come in than it safe to assume it was a wand from Harry potter.
skata 4
148- you're just mad you're a mudblood
downtime 13
253, Wands existed before Harry Potter. Its a fun gift, it shows the guy is playful and interesting. It also shows the OP isn't.
jets4 0
People on here won't reply dumbass
sat123 12
Tap it on the table and say "Accio jewelry".
MrSchneebly 5
He has given you the gift of magic cheer up
apache316 6
Screw the necklace, I'd take the wand.
perdix 31
Bend over!
Rach993 0
Personally I'd take the wand over the necklace!
skizzlerz 0
Fuuuuccckk I want a wand! Stop your complaining and just be happy with the damn thing.
afulks78 11
Avada cadabra !
Moviegirl89 11
Fail
ambowew 7
Filthy Muggle. CRUCIO!
KiddNYC1O 22
Avada? The ****?
leogirl95 12
Abracadabra or Arvada Kadavra . Choose one, or none at all
SiriusOrionBlack 20
you fail. AVADA KEDAVRA!
ohmandapants 17
Excuse you. It's Avada Kedavra. Edit: Sirius beat me to it
dgiss4297 0
hahaha very cruel though
xShannonxSammyx 7
Kedavra, dumbass.
HogwartsDropout7 0
No.. Just shut up. It's Avada kedavra.
ohmandapants 17
Yeah. We've covered that.
c27muskrat 0
it is avada kadavra
ohmandapants 17
No, it's not. Go read the books.
leogirl95 12
Oh for god's sake, excuse my ignorance, it's Avada Kedavra. I forgot how to spell it the first time lol.
sj100511 0
Avada Kedavra or Abra Cadabra- not both
PopRocks14 0
Guys, Siriusly.
Steve95401 49
Since the boyfriend gave OP a wand instead of a necklace, she won't let him use him use his "magic wand" later that evening.
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
It would've been worse if...IT WAS HIS DICK IN A BOX!
KiddNYC1O 22
Family Guy reference? Haha!
elephantom12 9
Nope, lonelyisland reference.
KiddNYC1O 22
Either way.
raydaly 5
lonely island ruled lol dik ina box Ahhhh Justin t's best song yet :) lol that and 3 way nd motherlover :D
redfishbluefish2 13
I've heard it both ways.
akg98 13
1: CUT A HOLE IN DA BOX! 2: STICK YOU JUNK IN DA BOX! 3: HAVE THE GIRL OPEN THE BOX !!!!! lol
loveanthony645 5
Worse?