Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML
Today, while at a party, my boyfriend threw a temper tantrum. He screamed at me and then gave me the silent treatment. All because I said, "No thank you" to the crab dip he got for me. I'm allergic to shellfish, we've been dating for two years and it's come up before. FML
Today, my fiancé and I had a fight because he wouldn't let me get what I wanted to eat, even though it was my money. He said, "It's way too many calories. I'm supposed to help you lose weight." When I pointed out that I had given up a month ago, he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can tell." FML
Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML
Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
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Top comments
curtyman11 9
Joey doesn't share food!
Dracoboxer357 36
Aaaaaand then I reread this fml, and realized I'm an idiot, as he started it, she retorted and he took it up a notch into ******** mode. :p Commence the thumb burial, please.
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Comments (84)
onorexveritas 24
burn
OverBlossomed 22
What is with all these FMLs about rude boyfriends and girlfriends? Suddenly, I'm very happy that I've never had a relationship and I think I may keep it that way.
MisssMia 9
You ve never had a relationship? How old are you?
OverBlossomed 22
At the time of this, I was a month from turning 19.
michiganlost 2
Why are you with him?
mokielove 10
just when u thought you had him. burnnnn
otecasacid 22
You have to determine who is the Alpha in the relationship, who is in charge and who gets to make decisions that encompass both of you. Generally the male is alpha, and the female submits to him, especially in matters of food. For instance, bought my girlfriend and I breakfast this morning, chose the place, let her choose her meal, and when she half finished it she gave it to me. Girls GENERALLY eat less than guys, fact of anatomy because in most relationships the guy is significantly larger. Guys love food, and guys don't take food jokes, its serious business.
squideth 18
"let her choose her meal" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Please join the rest of us in the 21st century, jeez.
CRC_101 31
Sounds like a very mature relationship. I'm sure you two make a great couple.
rachel135792468 5
Wow... That's just wow
skyeyez9 25
So, you have a bf who is stingy and doesn't share is food with you, but expects you to share your food with him? He sounds like an immature ass.
alovej1025 3
Dam that's so **** up I would dump his ass
fksfsdhfsdfh 26
Lol! **** you too is my favorite catch phrase!