Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML
Today, while at a party, my boyfriend threw a temper tantrum. He screamed at me and then gave me the silent treatment. All because I said, "No thank you" to the crab dip he got for me. I'm allergic to shellfish, we've been dating for two years and it's come up before. FML
Today, my fiancé and I had a fight because he wouldn't let me get what I wanted to eat, even though it was my money. He said, "It's way too many calories. I'm supposed to help you lose weight." When I pointed out that I had given up a month ago, he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can tell." FML
Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML
Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
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Top comments
curtyman11 9
Joey doesn't share food!
Dracoboxer357 36
Aaaaaand then I reread this fml, and realized I'm an idiot, as he started it, she retorted and he took it up a notch into ******** mode. :p Commence the thumb burial, please.
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Comments (84)
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Well that was petty.
RubbarDuckie 9
That's mean! wow.
Darthbane2007 19
stop stealing food then...
Superduck132 3
There is a difference between a bag of chips, which may or may not be a single serving, and a bowl of popcorn, which is meant for multiple people to enjoy.
honestjane 22
"...a bowl of popcorn, which is meant for multiple people to enjoy." Says you. Get your own. I'll eat the whole bowl of popcorn. Om nom nom.
buddy51 23
OP- Next time, try killing him with kindness- shove your food onto his plate, in his open, gaping mouth- keep offering and offering until he begs you to not share food with him, then say "Gotcha!!".... You'll win the relationship wars and be a hero to us all!!
ethanman82 8
well guess ( puts on sunglasses) your food got served
Adm_Twigs 19
I'm pretty sure he's trying to help you lose weight... I could be wrong
Ponponpon_fml 5
JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD
love_me_electric 20
Wow, selfish AND an asshole. You've got yourself a real winner there.
The_F3rris 11
The joys of budding romance.