Today, I had three things stolen: my phone, my iPod, and my girlfriend. All by the same guy. FML

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because his iPod app said I was cheating. FML

Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

Major red flag

Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML

Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML

Today, while I was taking a break at work, someone stole my iPod from my desk. I work in a police station. FML

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend stole a pair of my underwear, and still wears them to this day. FML

Melted

Today, I found one of my boyfriend's earbuds in the dryer. He's gonna be pissed. FML