Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML
Today, I walked into my apartment after work, only be to greeted by an awful smell. I searched every inch of the place, convinced something had died. After an hour of searching around, I found the source: a single forgotten boiled egg in one of my backpack's pockets. I will never forget the smell of sulphur or whatever it was. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML
Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML
Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML
Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
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Top comments
sweet_candy_ 17
What did the egg say to the hot water? Wait I just got laid it's going to take a while to get hard.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Eggcellent.
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Comments (110)
seldom66 16
nasty
bodmonontheblock 0
rotten eggs have the worst smell.
PurpleRae420 0
Ewe suxs to be you or the person who lives with you lol take some pepto and try to get some soup down
yazmi_09 3
op vomited diarrhea?! :O
fromthesuck 8
yes 72 that's exactly what happened
max_wilder 9
anyone else admiring the use of sulfuric?
Shyke 0
YDI for not being able to tell. dumbass.
yazmi_09 3
lol 77 I was being sarcastic
taytay6510 6
So YOU were the old man farting in the grocery store and trying to blame young kids *tsk* *tsk* ;)
brozorz 0
put in water. if it floats its rotten
m0tl3ycru3 0
how interesting
enonymous 9
Alright I put my vomit and diarrhea in water both floated it must have been rotten. DAMN
urdirtyolduncle 15
More reasons to be vegetarian..
No_LoveMM 3
Vegetarians can eat eggs.
Eggers 2
16: they can eat meat too. doesn't mean they will.
No_LoveMM 3
Let me clarify... The rules of vegetarianism allows the consumption of eggs.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Umm.. no it doesn't; not at all.
No_LoveMM 3
Actually yes it does, veganism does not allow consumption of eggs, vegetarianism does.
Eggers 2
now I understand why your picture is Charley Sheen.
sailorzoe 14
A lot of people call themselves vegetarian who eat fish and drink milk and eat gelatin as well. People are retarded; just accept this and your life will go better.
No_LoveMM 3
Who the **** is Charley Sheen? Some wannabe ****** that is mimicking the pop culture phenomena Charlie Sheen, or a retarded spelling error of Charlie sheen that is nearly impossible to do on accident.
Eggers 2
in the end, those who refuse to eat steak, burgers and hotdogs are dumb
sourgirl101 29
In the end, those that refuse to accept not everyone has the same life style are dumb. ***(Not saying you, since I do enjoy most of your comments, just not this one). I'm not a vegetarian but have no problems with those that are. (:
collegegirl87 0
Some vegetarians don't even know that there is lacto-vegetetarinism, Ovo-vegetarianism, lacto Ovo- vegetarianism, and veganism.
Eggers 2
40: no harm meant, it's all in good fun. Honestly I don't have a problem with vegetarians as one of my friends is a hardcore vegetarian
sxe_beast 11
This whole thread is off-topic from the FML, but I'll join in! I love meat, especially exotic meats. I also enjoy wearing leather and fur ^_^.
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
31 I thought we had already clarified this. vegan's don't eat anything from animals. vegitarians don't eat meat.
urdirtyolduncle 15
52-- You love meat? Gotcha ;) As for charlee sheen and the others who think they know about vegetarians, what would you classify me as? I don't eat ANY sort of meat, including fish, and I don't eat eggs but I drink milk and I eat cookies if they have egg in it. So, in which category would I be considered in?
collegegirl87 0
You would most likely be under the lacto-Ovo- vegetarian category. :)
bribri360 0
60- vegans only eat raw foods. true vegetarians don't animal products or anything made from animals. trust me I know. my mom is one.
enonymous 9
Vegans only eat raw food? Wtf steamed broccoli isn't vegan anymore? what about corn? or popcorn? also does a ******** count as not being a vegan or vegetarian? or is the swallowing part that ruins it?
gofferurself 10
Vegans do not eat products that come from animals, including eggs, meat, milk, honey, etc. Vegetarians do not eat meat. Some vegetarians do not eat milk, eggs, honey, etc depending on the reason for their vegetarianism. So vegetarians eat fish, many do not. Some vegetarians choose to not include byproduces (gelatin, lard, etc) to their restrictions. Some vegans (and other people too) choose to only eat raw foods, but that is not a vegan diet, that it a raw food diet (I think this is also called a macro-biotic, but stand to be corrected on that). A jain diet only includes foods which do not kill the organism, so carrots are out, but milk is often accepted. The range of diets is huge, and many different diets can be refered to by a single term. (74- I think that Vegans would have an issue with ********, but probably only the swallowing part, unless they were also very religious...but that is an interesting question)
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
62 a vegetarian who doesn't eat plain eggs. anyway it doesn't matter about what type you are, it's the reasons why you don't eat meat.
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
71 I am a vegetarian I don't eat meat or fish but I do eat eggs and milk and other stuff like that. it's the killing of the animals I don't like, as long as the animals are well looked after I feel fine having dairy and eggs.
Eggers 2
what the OP doesnt tell you is that the eggs were painted
Eggers 2
I know this is a tricky one, let me explain. You paint eggs on Easter.
tpreston 0
he is not a fail I lol'ed at him... on the bus.
Eggers 2
hey dummy 84, I made that second post when my main one had 5 thumbs down.
storyoftheyear36 0
What does OP mean?
tpreston 0
original poster
NYC_Yoshi 3
u couldn't taste them?
Deadzombie 2
or smell them...
iAmScrubs 19
or hear them... wait, nevermind
Eggers 2
7: I snicker every time I read that
sweet_candy_ 17
What did the egg say to the hot water? Wait I just got laid it's going to take a while to get hard.
NYC_Yoshi 3
dirty
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Eggcellent.
bezach 0
eggsalent
ImInABox 6
Bottle that crap for chemical warfare!
xPsYcHO_KILLa_x 0
WUN!
livin_plur 0
fail^^
AmberlovesJb 0
That's why eggs are gross. I hate eggs! :D
Hotlanta 5
how can you hate eggs? eggs are one of the best things for you (if you only eat the whites). FYL
Eggers 2
how can you hate eggs? don't you produce them on a monthly basis?
Norwegian_Wood 4
54-Nope, women don't produce them on a monthly basis. They are born with a set number.
Eggers 2
56- fine. as long as I have unlimited sperm cells, I'm happy.
livvyluvlaf 8
I had harmonies eggs de breakfast this morning. they weren't rotten tho. :) well let's be positive at least u didn't have to go to school/work!
livvyluvlaf 8
sorry my iPod corrects weird. I should have read the comment before posting it. I meant hardboiled eggs ;)
1O 0
Hamonies eggs autocorrect!!!!
ambowew 7
I read that as Hermione's eggs. Too much Harry Potter for me, I think.
livvyluvlaf 8
hahaha thats great! me and typos have a love / hate relationship for those reasons
SnailJamsss 6
that's disgusting.