Today, my boss sat me down to discuss the sounds my co-workers have heard coming from my cubicle. Apparently my music sounds like the background tracks from shitty soft-core porn movies. I'm getting a three day suspension while they go through all my files. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML
Today, I finally found a job as a secretary for a small film studio. The sets are in a soundproofed part of the building, but not for the typical reasons. Right through the wall is a pornography studio. It's all I'll hear from 8 to 5 every day. FML
Today, I was written up and banned from playing my songs at the office. Turns out that my other workmates snitched on me because I was playing '90s rock and pop, which was stressing them out somehow. Of course, the burnout I had from listening to three straight hours of tacky Reggaeton music didn't matter. FML
Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML
Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML
Today, the guy in the cubicle across from me complained about me to our boss. Apparently, his relatives heard me typing something on his daily 8+ hour call to them, and now don't believe he has his own office. My boss took his side and asked me to type quieter. FML
Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML
Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML
Today, I was studying my anatomy book for nursing school while in the break room at my day job. My nosy-ass, ignorant coworker who always finds a way to butt into everyone’s business told the front office I was looking at porn. I got written up for, "displaying offensive materials." FML
Today, I lost my earbuds on the subway to work, so I had to listen to my boss's terrible music all day. FML
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Top comments
shutup_matt 5
What kind of crappy music do you listen to?
deafeningsilence 8
Well, if they can't find anything, then you're in the clear.
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Comments (161)
Person1233 13
You better hide the body...
HumanWiki 8
What kind of inept retarded people do you work with? Three days to go through your files? Lame. I've done SAN migrations that took less time.
macsterfun 3
Boners! Take your own advice! Do you know how hard it is to work in a cubicle across from you?!? All you hear is screams of pain and the sound of you masturbating to JB in the background!
rubieeees123 0
Don't jack off at work. YDI
Halcyon3210 6
Are the screams of pain just JB's singing or something else? :)
Calyx_fml 22
YDI for listening to that tripe.
macsterfun 3
No, Boners mixes the sound of JB's singing, to the tune of really hardcore, erotic, and kinky ****. That's what really sets him off.
RandomChickXD 0
it could've been worse, it could have sounded like background music to hard-core ****
mattsan1992 0
man up and listen to death metal.
mdizzl 6
I would like to see their faces of confusion when theres nothing actually there