Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, our landlord came over to chop down our cherished apple tree. While doing so, he ate one of the apples, concurring that they really did taste excellent. FML
Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML
Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML
Today, I told my parents that I was planning a garden for my house. My child of a mother got upset and jealous, because, "When you were younger, you hated working outside with us." Sorry for maturing and developing new interests in the past 30 years, I guess. FML
Today, I took my grandmother shopping and insisted on carrying everything myself. Halfway across the parking lot, one bag ripped open and 6 oranges rolled in different directions. Watching 3 strangers chase fruit while my grandmother laughed harder than I've ever seen was somehow both wholesome and humiliating. FML
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Top comments
tsim_fml 0
Your dads the shit.
hollyman 0
Hahahhahaha owed by your father!!!!!!!!
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Comments (259)
hollyman 0
Hahahhahaha owed by your father!!!!!!!!
pepsilove_fml 4
hahaha sucha badass dad x)
NastyNinja31 0
Nothin like free peas
theten_fml 9
is tip toeing really necessary?
flockz 20
yes the crunch of blades of grass is unmistakable. he must tiptoe if he wants to achieve ninja pea stealer status.
dolphincheddar 10
Put the pee back in her garden
flockz 20
i left my pee in the pool
CattyPurry 0
i bet your dad was thinking "i got a pea! i got a pea!" in his mind while tiptoeing back ;D
tatababe 1
Your father sounds cheap instead of robbing banks he steals peas from old ladies
theindr3dhulk 2
Hahahaha.......wowsers this is a classic FML already. Everytime i read it i get a vision of your pops chuckling while he leaves the garden LOL, priceless.
nateiztite 5
i dont think your dad loves you that much
dolphincheddar 10
Well go get it flockz she wants her pee back!
hollyman 0
Ikr the grass would completely give him away the vision is hillerious hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!
KiddNYC1O 22
Looks like you're having the time of your life. ^
DaRealMrMurphy 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I ate a pea once and puked all over my grandma petting my dog who's name was Charlie named after Charlie sheen the cutie on the tv show I tried out for because I was trying to find myself but I found out I was just on the toilet. LOLz!!!!!
mintcar 10
This sounds exactly like something Peter would do. Poor Meg.
lydia_is_gayyy 1
I'd hate to be neighbors with Randy Johnson
glompable 19
Now I just have the image of Peter and Meg with this story, hahaha
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
110-Cool story bro. Tell it again.
FarSide 23
Sounds like you took her apples too. lol.
FuckingRednecks 3
Lol :p
FuckingRednecks 3
:D
AnonymousTroll 2
An apple a day keeps the peas and quiet away.
changesinme 0
ah those apples are gonna cost more than peas, she should throw peas instead
daysgoby902 6
I'm sorry you were hit with apples but your dad sounds like he's a pretty cool guy
chuckychan 8
your dads smart. Free peas. Doesn't get in trouble with it. and free apples.
Laners561769 9
Sounds like the Wicked Witch of the West, The Cowardly Lion, and Dorothy have made there bizzare return... you being dorothy. Sorry, OP.
ItsTheKing 10
I can imagine op's father tiptoeing with his pwnd face on. Lil
Drigr 9
I want what 110 is on. sounds like a fun trip.
Jvr91 8
Thug life
Friaza 29
Just wait till she calms down and apologize. Then politely throw coconuts at her.
sarabraun8 7
hahaha
Dispute 3
Maybe he went to the supermarket and bought peas, and than took a short cut through the backyard. Just a though.
davex 0
I guess OP took one for the team. Don't worry OP, today you tomorrow him.
Gourmet_Taco 0
hahaha
imustbeinsane 2
apple doesnt fall far from the tree, shes just avenging future peas
Smokingweenies 3
I can see a gif of that with the dad having a troll face XD
tsim_fml 0
Your dads the shit.
MagicGiraffe 12
Yea he just got your family a bunch of free peas now you're getting free apples!
hoodasswhitekid 0
nah man, he's the piss
iloveeyouuxD 9
^^ lol 69
Soloman212 28
He sure does know how to support a family!!
iGuitarKid 0
your pretty :)
sexylegs17 5
Take the peas and pelt your father with them
fymother 13
kick him in the ass the next time he takes a pea.
miraggg 1
He's gotta have his peas
eeppiicc 8
Haha 69 likes!
R34luver 5
omg u guys are so immature with all the damn 69 jokes! you worse the the creeper perv at my skool who does the same thing xP
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
164-Cool story bro. Tell it again.
CryMoreFMLs 15
It's 165 bro. And i would like to hear it again, it sounds like me.
sxe_beast 11
WOW, lol! FYL, but this is hilarious.
oboewhore_xD 6
OMG. D: your profile picture. my eyes. FML
daydreamer244 13
tht profile pic is just...........disturbing.
sxe_beast 11
I get so many comments on my profile picture, lol. I use it on a few other websites too. That's kind of the point of it... to be disturbing. Haha! :D
KiddNYC1O 22
There's a good message behind that picture.
Lstands4LOSER 0
95- Always properly groom your mustache hair?
CyonideCyns 0
Its completely shopped, how can you not tell?
sxe_beast 11
@Cyonide - That's not the point. Its one of the new proposed cigarette warning labels (in America). Look them up.
jeob1992 8
old... you moved quick
RetardedChipmunk 7
Is this some kind of poetry???
AyeeArieel 5
yeahh wat thee hell is tht supposeed to mean?
Sonic_boomerang 5
he meant the op said old he took it as op moved thus being ops old neighbor not old age as the way op meant?
skylerXx 6
What the f**k did you just say? You confused me.
fmlbrooo 0
You're stupid. That's what it means.
jeob1992 8
it was a joke I understood what op meant
skylerXx 6
Haha. Your dad is badass. But who steals peas from someone else's garden? I hope that was for good fun.
thewife5 19
My neighbors come take everything out of my garden, however he is a butcher and sends fresh meat over all the time so I don't mind a bit.
airforce987 20
Thats not cool at all, stealing from someone else's garden, no matter what you give in return. The only fresh meat I would accept as equal payment is his wife's. *not serious* :D
sara_saturday 5
you should have told her I'd she keeps chunking apples, next time you'll be leaving pees in her garden
Monkeyone 0
6th!!!!
agsilver 14
"DAMMIT DAD!"
kevint9911 15
Your dad, god dammit.
Crash_1524 0
Aahhh RWJ :) Lmao.
WCARlover 35
haha I love your dad!
TheGianaJinx 0
I love her dad too, but I have a thought... Why is OP's dad stealing peas? xD He could have robbed a bank, or mugged the old hag who pelted OP with apples... But no, he stole peas.
CookieM_fml 4
Gotta Get Your Veggies
taytoc 10
haha take the apples she throws at you and see what happens
abcgum234 0
Smart
ddlovatolover 23
Free apples!