Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
Today, I snuck into my aunt's house while she was working to raid her pantry, like I do most days. Excited for a snack cake, I went to the pantry. Apparently she'd found out, because there was a lock on it. FML
Today, my mother refused to talk to me because I wouldn't let her use my deodorant stick. FML
Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML
Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML
Today, my mom called me crazy and told me she wanted to put me in a mental hospital. She did this after repeatedly hitting me with a shoe. Why? Because I forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. FML
Today, my dad brought the double barrel shotgun to my room, gave me his hat and said, "It's all about survival now. At any cost, Coral." He keeps calling me Coral. FML
Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML
Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML
Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML
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Top comments
bubble25_fml 5
don't know if I should trust u, your fml sounds a bit fishy...
Blue87 4
ewww
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Comments (239)
corruptblackkat 17
toothpaste is suppose to be abrasive and coral is a great way to achieve that naturally.. besides this really isn't much of an fml especially when there are millions of people who can't even access toothpaste...
Kayble89 13
At least is wasn't Toms of Maine Toothpaste...haha!
noelykins1 19
Uhm... coral is becoming endangered now we know why! Damn mothers who use endangered ?animals? as toothpaste!
iEevee 0
Sounds like something they'd use in Spongebob...
snazzy_247 0
Isn't that illegal?
UsagiArwen 23
Thumbs up this comment if you went straight to google and typed in "coral paste" or "coral toothpaste" once you read this fml.
megashroom 6
Coral's an animal you dickwad.
gchartier90 0
no one here is smart everyone just googled it obviously
somegirlyouknow 1
For the love of God, please stop using Coral Paste immediately and convince your mother to do so, as well. Coral is similar to pumus in texture; pumus soap is often used to get grease off of hands. I can only image what the bits of hard coral (animal remains?) are doing to the enamal on your family's teeth. It will not help in whitening teeth, if that is the result your mother is expecting. With the lack of enamal, teeth just appear more yellow, unless whitening is continued which could cause teeth and gum sensitivity. :( After reading what I just finished writing, I think I should be a spokes(wo)man for oral health.
jleowags48 0
I'm calling bullshit on this one