Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
Today, I snuck into my aunt's house while she was working to raid her pantry, like I do most days. Excited for a snack cake, I went to the pantry. Apparently she'd found out, because there was a lock on it. FML
Today, my mother refused to talk to me because I wouldn't let her use my deodorant stick. FML
Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML
Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML
Today, my mom called me crazy and told me she wanted to put me in a mental hospital. She did this after repeatedly hitting me with a shoe. Why? Because I forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. FML
Today, my dad brought the double barrel shotgun to my room, gave me his hat and said, "It's all about survival now. At any cost, Coral." He keeps calling me Coral. FML
Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML
Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML
Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML
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Top comments
bubble25_fml 5
don't know if I should trust u, your fml sounds a bit fishy...
Blue87 4
ewww
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Comments (239)
bluebird5679 3
That is so coral!
hotpinkpepsi 6
y is this an FML if you got regular toothpaste... hmmm
vyrtig0 0
"Today, I found a solution to my problem. FML." I don't understand why you posted this after getting regular toothpaste
Starstruckluv 4
I would just keep sneaking the regular toothpaste. It's better than lumps of sea life in ur toothpaste
rileynautumn 0
tell her to try "tooth soap" it's much better than coral paste and has the same good qualities. if you get the mint whips one you can barely tell the difference between it and tooth paste. it's floride free and leaves your teeth feeling really nice!
HunterAlpha1 8
reminds me alot of my mom. she wouldn't let me use mouthwash, deodorant, or cologne, and she made me use tom's of maine toothpaste that smelled like shit. now i use all those things and colgate toothpaste. ahh, eighteenth birthday, such a beautiful thing!
portablecupid 3
I imagine your mom bought that because she's a health/eco-nut... which makes me wonder why she thought it was a good idea to pay extra to smear endangered animal bits all over her family's mouths.
sprtschck 0
Omigod my mom tried to pull this stuff on me too she won't let me use normal body wash or shampoo or anything it has to be all natural.... Thanks to her I can enjoy the smell of ripe veggies in my hair... Mmmm
sparklecherry 4
More than I ever wanted to know about coral.
ArsenalFan12 0
chunky toothpaste? what is wrong with thus world?!