Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML
Today, I rang my girlfriend to make sure she made it home alright. She told me to check my Facebook. Nothing was different so I hit refresh. We were no longer in a relationship. I got dumped via Facebook whilst on the phone to her. FML
Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML
Today, I had the displeasure of watching my boyfriend’s Facebook go from “In a relationship” with me to “Single”, then switched to a big “In a relationship with” the girl he told me was “just a friend” post, after ending our 5-year relationship over text message. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
vballgirly28 16
That's just weird. Seriously a cat? What can you do with a cat....never mind I don't want to know.
helpfulwhale 12
She really let the cat out of the bag on that one, didn't she?
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Comments (113)
vballgirly28 16
That's just weird. Seriously a cat? What can you do with a cat....never mind I don't want to know.
Blackcatluck 19
You miserable human obviously she realized that cats are more superior and came to that conclusion
ILoveMyArm 15
What do you have against us cats? And just to let you know we are very flexible and loving partners.
Welshite 40
Rocks make better pets...
DocBastard 40
Are you people REALLY doing this? Really?
Welshite 40
Don't judge, Doc. You could join in as a coke bottle shoved up someone's bum. I'm sure we would all be very entertained with your titillating tales.
DocBastard 40
Tales? I have no tales. Who told you I have tales? LIES!
buckdharma 38
I think it's a 7 Up.
Wizardo 34
Nice try Doc, tell the guys about that time in Greece with that cute little med student and your first Coke Volcano.
TheWildRover1 12
I once had a cat... He got ring worm and bled to death...
flockz 20
well this thread just went to a weird place.
truesarrif 33
guess she decided getting clawed in her nether region while sitting around the house naked felt pretty good after all
KinkyCurly 13
I hate cats.
Javier6597 19
Wtf with this thread
soccerstar1996 18
^^^Do you not follow this surgical genius? I don't actually know how good a surgeon he actually is. But he deals with dumbasses all the time and hasn't killed himself yet. So he's probably intellectually gifted and knows what he's doing
SgrA 18
I remember that FML.
gizmo92 6
Her new boyfriend sound purrfect
teentee401 37
Maybe she just prefers pussy
helpfulwhale 12
She really let the cat out of the bag on that one, didn't she?
ILoveMyArm 15
Her curiosity did not kill the cat this time.
JACKxRAWR 22
You guys have gotta be kitten me with these puns!
Pwn17 25
Right meow, 44?
gc327072 31
She may have let the cat outta the bag, but maybe she wants to let it IN the vag o_0
Blackcatluck 19
Try confronting her about it, I mean why would 2 people dislike you if there wasn't a reason at all
PterodactylMan 23
Rumors, that usually starts everything
Acik91 26
I would guess that an average human being older than, say, 7 is disliked by a lot more than just two people.
chosha_fml 27
True, but it's a bit different when one of them is your own girlfriend.
Wittledinosaure 7
Let her be with her cat, I'd say that's a good thing she left you.
hashshim 23
Hahahahaha. have you tried the 12 taco thing from taco bell? Those are freaking awesome. There's like 12 tacos in the box and then you eat them lmao dude.
Wittledinosaure 7
What the ****?
SammyS2012 21
He's probably high. He's talking about taco bell after all
ottokat 15
My first thought was: Maybe you are an idiot and thats why you have no idea why she broke up with you. Or shes just a total bitch, and her friends are too.
badassmf1234 22
That's awful. Nobody deserves to get dumped over text.
MidnaLink 35
Especially for a cat!
hcollins1 18
Coming from someone that has been dumped over a text, people can be *******.
onaa3r 10
That's why she's in a relationship with one.
cmayer 20
I was dumped over Facebook... I would rather have gotten a breakup text honestly. At least it's a tiny bit more personal.
MidnaLink 35
Actually that could have been a mass text (accident or not). At least it didn't go to anyone else as well.
webbface 25
Lol maybe he wouldn't answer the phone.
slooby_fml 25
What the hell? This is wrong on so many levels
TheDrifter 24
Whole new meaning to getting a little tail?
Wizardo 34
Smells like a hint of **********... mixed with essence of bitch and an aftertaste of complete moron.
slooby_fml 25
Maybe the cat is an animagus
Wizardo 34
That is a possibility but strictly speaking animagus's normally turn into flesh eating werewolves not docile cats.
hashshim 23
23: Explain Mrs.McGonnagal then.
Wizardo 34
#59 Yep I realised my mistake too late but I just confused by my memory of the scene were Hermione explains what an animagus and werewolf is, the elective and forced sides to the transformations. Its been years since I've seen the films or read the books :/
awkwardlysmiles 12
I say, F her cat's life.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Hopefully she won't, but...
TheLittleBear 19
She did a horrible thing OP, no doubt about it. But seriously, her cat?! Better off out of it.
imbedderdenu 23
wow dude. sorry to read that. it is a little funny though. ...