Saturday night fever

Today, I was arrested for a crime that happened 27 years ago. I'm only 21. FML

Today, I turned 21 and had a huge party because I could finally drink legally. Got arrested for public intoxication. FML

Today, because I left my wallet at home, I got arrested for "underage smoking." I'm 32 years old. FML

Sobering

Today, I went to a bar to celebrate my 26th birthday. I got ripped off by the bartender all night because she secretly gave me non-alcoholic versions of my drinks. Apparently I look like I'm 16, so she thought my ID was fake. Happy birthday to me. FML

What did you expect?

Today, as a joke, I hopped in the front seat of a police cruiser and took a cute selfie while the officer was talking to someone on the sidewalk. A minute later, he dragged me to the ground and arrested me. Um… what? FML

Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML

Today, I got mistaken for a high school freshman. It’s my 23rd birthday. FML

Today, I got mugged on the way to my 21st birthday party at a bar. I begged the thug to at least throw me my ID, only to have him laugh and run away singing, "Happy Birthday." FML

Today, I found out that pretending to be a bum begging for money can get you stuck in a jail cell for a few hours. FML

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML