Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Krirn 21
Isn't that punishment enough?
ilikebikes7 3
Poor Thomas.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (321)
whoknew1 3
I could imagine all the things that went through your mind. My daughter is having sex? She's already faking orgasms? How does she know the difference between a small penis and a large one? How many guys has she been with? How long has this been going on? Where did I go wrong?
TheMystery13 13
What would be funny is if somewhere on here there's a post from your daughter, "Thomas has a small dick. FML."
poohboo12 0
Im not understanding why u would let your 14 year old have sex and have a ****** w0w!!!!!!!!! I would whoop her ass
ThisGuysSkills 5
Every parent wants to hear that!!
kaylabears98 3
Oh...my...god.
Cowsxgoxmoo78 8
And the parent of the year award goes to?
iteenlovequotes 19
if my future kid did this... my house would be like a prison with security cameras around the outside so I could see if they leave at anytime of the night.
Panda_Shy_Haven 17
Um..what?
Nat_Sophia 2
Shes fourteen why is she drunk and ******* a guy?
UnPhasable 4
What the heck did I just read? It's time for an apocalypse.