Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
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Top comments
Krirn 21
Isn't that punishment enough?
ilikebikes7 3
Poor Thomas.
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Comments (321)
justconcon33 7
this is my all time favorite fml by far.
ericdrew3 1
at least shes not preggo
Jebitesevsi 11
If this was my kid, she'd be grounded for a year. And that would only be the beginning.
kittybaby01 10
And worst parent of the year award goes to you. Congrats.
tasinatee 2
I am the only member of this generation who seems to believe that sex before 17 is still considered young
NamelessFace 22
IMO sex should be saved for marriage, so no, you aren't alone.
OhSoHandsome 15
1. why was your 14 year old daughter going to a party with alcohol? 2. why is she having sex at that age? . . . She may of faked an ******, but it seems like you've been faking being an actual parent.
Zaayuro 9
something went wrong with her and now she is absolute garbage. I mean seriously? getting drunk, having sex, and crying over someone's small dick? what a lost cause
vdturner25 15
This isn't an FML, it's a FMP, **** my Parenting.
chickendude123 4
Then I realize I'm 14 and never had a gf ?
HerpNdurp88 0
Why would you tell people how shitty of a parent you are?