Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML
Today, I realized I might have some issues. After some amazing, satisfying rough sex, I started having incredible pain. I went to the hospital and discovered I'd asked him to beat me so hard that he'd cracked a rib. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to pick me up and throw me on the bed. I rolled off and broke my collarbone. FML
Today, I broke my boyfriend's nose trying to pop his blackheads. His leg jerked in shock, kicked my leg, and I fell, breaking the mirror, cutting myself, and slamming into the bathroom sink. I woke up in the hospital, with over a hundred stitches, and my poor boyfriend in jail for suspected domestic abuse. FML
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML
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Top comments
stephfml 0
Wear a turtleneck
TEAZO 0
shouldn't of had rough sex before your speech XD
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Comments (179)
yeahreally 6
don't wear a V neck and use some makeup...problem solved!
kagome_eb 0
used yourself as an example lol
badboy6865 0
i dont see what the problem is... as long as your speech was pro domestic violence...
genius_man16 1
ahahahaha that mad me laugh so hard XD
Jonny_fml 0
Just don't menion it, Your bad though!
badboy6865 0
drastic situations require drastic solutions- instead of covering it all up with make up i say you emphasize it. then talk about all the pros of domestic violence like a) at least your spending time with your spouse b) hair doesnt grow on bruises...its safer than bleaching your face! c) without the sour... it just ain't as sweet. Then close the speech up by slapping the front row in the face.
stephfml 0
What are all these moderated comments everyone is so heated about? I didn't see them before they were moderated
lolol182 4
jesus. you're a ******* beast
futurecatlady 2
Heh, at least you get good sex!
ThatsFuckeD 0
ha nice. now you have a visual aid
xolotl 0
long sleeved turtleneck ftw.