Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML
Today, I realized I might have some issues. After some amazing, satisfying rough sex, I started having incredible pain. I went to the hospital and discovered I'd asked him to beat me so hard that he'd cracked a rib. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to pick me up and throw me on the bed. I rolled off and broke my collarbone. FML
Today, I broke my boyfriend's nose trying to pop his blackheads. His leg jerked in shock, kicked my leg, and I fell, breaking the mirror, cutting myself, and slamming into the bathroom sink. I woke up in the hospital, with over a hundred stitches, and my poor boyfriend in jail for suspected domestic abuse. FML
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML
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Top comments
stephfml 0
Wear a turtleneck
TEAZO 0
shouldn't of had rough sex before your speech XD
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Comments (179)
Jaywin 3
Good God these comments made me laugh so hard...
generalsmith 0
lol its cool ;)
thebaroness1984 0
Pretend that it's makeup to help you make your point! Does it really look like someone beat you up??
Amkii 0
Maybe the audience will think you're speaking from experience and take heed...?
jklmnop 0
#12 im with you all the way ur preachin to the chior
bombthedisco 0
what a rookie mistake! always keep it below the neck and above the elbows!
reeeebekah 0
yeah i think you should just say it was part of the project, and you put makeup on to get the full effect (:
goldfish27 0
hot. but admittedly, bad timing.
pi_fml 0
:*
Sulk 0
You could add a rather black joke suggesting that, although bruises on a woman is a certain sign she's either A. Recently been in an accident. B. Is a victim of domestic violence, not ALL bruises necessarily have a malevolent back story.