Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML
Today, my wife asked me to smack her ass as a sign of affection, so I did, she liked it, and we had sex. This afternoon I walked past and smacked her ass again. I now have a bruised eye, ringing in my left ear, and a severe warning to never do that again. Why? FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML
Today, our sons, who we thought were asleep, came barging into our room in the middle of the first blowjob my wife has given me in weeks. She was so shocked, she bit down and pulled away at the same time, tearing the big vein on the top of my cock. I had to go to hospital for blood loss and stitches. FML
Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML
Today, after a long dry spell, I spent a day treating my wife, ending with a full body massage. She was wearing only panties, breathing heavily, and spread her legs, so I reached for her crotch to finger her… and she kicked me in the head so hard I fell off the bed and split my head open. FML
Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML
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Top comments
gc327072 31
OP's wife used ring slap It's super effective!
TurtleSmile 14
Sounds like she has been wanting to hit you for some time and was just waiting for permission.
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Comments (117)
elk21dbm 18
Ouch. I'm sorry OP. Maybe find some other way to spice up things... a safer one
max_wilder 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Never underestimate multiple pairs of pants.
christyxbee 15
LOL. That's what you get for asking! Haha that's hilarious. +1 to favorites!
Carmstro 13
50 shades? More like 50 stitches, am I right guys?
drewcat21 0
Any body else wondering if he finished before going to the hospital?
MonsterCommenter 4
@66, you are definitely wrong.
ComTlancy 12
Well OP did ask for it.
Bajee 10
68 - I was wondering the same.
jyang12217 9
i was playing pokemon when i read that
greeneyebeauty9 28
be more specific next time, maybe?
crzyballplayer25 4
cute af :p
Lioness8197 18
How can you get more specific? He told his wife to hit him so she did. I think that's pretty specific. Just sayin.
greeneyebeauty9 28
well if someone said 'hit me' I wouldn't expect them to be meaning in the face. so "just sayin"
FilleNoir 21
48, I thumbed down for two reasons. Your stupid comment and the duckface.
greeneyebeauty9 28
okay...
metaphoristic 8
"slap me from a 45 degree angle using your thumb, middle finger, ring finger, pinky and palm. Remove your palm with a 70% higher velocity than your fingers. Repeat three times."
cgchamp89 7
53, maybe try not being so rude? While you're at it, look up what a duck face is...
hannnahmarie 14
53, she's not even doing a duck face in her picture...
greeneyebeauty9 28
you'll have your opinions, I'll have mine.. get over it now and back off with the rudeness. thanks.
BRLHP 24
Well it is possible she changed her picture before the rest of you had the chance to comment. But either way I'm on her side.
BellaBelle_fml 23
I believe she changed her pic, when I read this thread earlier she was doing a duck face.
gc327072 31
OP's wife used ring slap It's super effective!
Inheritance 10
*OP has fainted* *OP was rushed to the closest hospital*
iOceanus 18
The pimp hand is strong with this one.
pokefan813 16
Hey! I'm supposed to be doing those :(
ntd309 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
She deserves a mouthful for that!
yankfan89 27
Why OP asked her to do it
ntd309 14
Yeah but it wasnt like he was taunting her sayin "i bet u cant hurt me"... Basically, he asked her to rough him up. Why would she rough him up to the extent that they stop having sex so he can go to the hospital?? A palm smack to the cheek wouldve been just fine!
bobbybill0519 7
Um... Is it normal in the Czech Republic to slap your husband across the face while having sex??
daringtoride 27
Eek! I'm sure she didn't mean to! At least you're adventurous?
divadro102 16
Slapping in sex can get pretty hard and hurtful and some people love that. She only forgot the ring and slit his face. But was the diamond facing down?
Lioness8197 18
Maybe she backhanded him instead of the ring being turned backwards.
lostcrazydiamond 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe she didn't ringalize she was hitting that hard... ^Worst pun of my life. I am prepped for the thumbs down.
bestnameright 14
Long story short: I messed up on the comment. This is the edit: I once ate cat poo.... Have a nice day!
ntd309 14
Your pun is soo bad its hysterical!
greeneyebeauty9 28
just tell her to call you daddy. 10x more effective.
pink_raindrops 26
That's actually rather disgusting. I've always seen the phrase "who's your daddy" to be so horribly wrong.
BunchieRules 31
37 - That reminds me of the FML where OP's boyfriend said, "Who's your daddy?", and her dad walked into the room and said, "I am".
Pwuj 6
Lol., 51,. I want to read that one.,
FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29
I was thinking the same thing.
melij99 5
Well, now you have a funny story for the kids!!
BellaBelle_fml 23
Who would tell their children about their sex life?
kut17 11
Ted would.
Sulkiva 2
She hit your FACE?! Really...? Really...?
daliagrande 17
I'm pretty sure OP is talking about his lower cheek.
micahsmommy 13
No she hit his bum but OP thought it would make a better story by saying face.
bestnameright 14
He did ask for it... Annndddd it was the face :)
Sulkiva 2
Gotcha, didn't cross my mind at the time.
Warden1986 16
Really, really. In donkey voice from Shrek. Sorry just seeing all those really(s) made me think of donkey.
rosesong2494 3
Shrek said that to Donkey. Just sayin'.