Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML
Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like, "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML
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Top comments
saba_ajira 29
It sounds like your family members are the only asses in this picture. Sorry OP
cara_marie0303 18
Hopefully she has a weird sense of humor and was kidding? Most people keep those in the shower. Anyway, that sucks OP, hope your day got better!
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Comments (59)
saba_ajira 29
It sounds like your family members are the only asses in this picture. Sorry OP
cara_marie0303 18
Hopefully she has a weird sense of humor and was kidding? Most people keep those in the shower. Anyway, that sucks OP, hope your day got better!
Hildy93 21
Hope to god those washcloths aren't white...
gogo44444 28
It's ok op, sometimes family jokes around like that, try to find a way to laugh with them or something. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em
Lanabur 13
Junk face towel
shemademedoit 20
the **** are you on?
shaaza 16
Oh come on OP its just a family joke. I'm sure they would not go beyond that limit.
chinaski7628 32
See, I don't think the nickname's really the problem. I would think OP drying her face with her mother's ass towel is the real FML here.
kcjane 12
Did you use a washcloth that was just randomly laying around the bathroom? If so that's never really safe.
imerichello 18
That must suck op, sorry
WOTAN1488 24
UGH! Time to wash again...
Definefailure 4
who wipes their ass with a cloth what the shit. that's what we invented toilet paper for
RedPillSucks 33
you don't wash your ass when you shower?
slayertack 19
I just use my hands.
enginsteve 17
#21 she didn't say wash , she said wipe. So yes, who the hell wipes their ass with a washcloth?
iwadasn 33
31, the OP used both "wash" and "wipe" to refer to washing her face, so maybe her mother was also using it in the "wash" sense.
Riceball__o3o 15
She obviously said wipe, not wash.
dezman2000 21
Ah, the deadly dad-brother tag team